Pep Talk from Corn and Weightloss pictures

So last night I had a break down- not sure if it was because I'm sick with a urinary tract infection or because I just started my cycle (those are 2 potent reasons for my little crying spell last night!)
I laid in bed and just poured my heart out to Cornelius. He just listened. But I was feeling like all the work I put into my eating and exercising just seems to be SO MINIMAL with my results.  Just little results and I told him "people have to look at me and think "This is a joke. She doesn't even see that she's working hard for nothing."  And I just felt like my lot in life is so ufair. And I explained in detail how all throughout the day I deny self or I say no to something because I know its just added fat and sugar. For example, I'm at work and I have one plate of picnic food from our work picnic.  I did eat a small serving of dessert but I so could have had MORE.  Everyone else was.  And I just had to tell myself, "No, you can have your fruit and yogart snack later." And then I was in town and I really wanted to eat a burger and fries. Especially since I'm since and started my cycle, it doesn't matter if I eat those extra calories because I always gain water weight on my period anyways.  But instead, while I was waiting to pick up my meds from the pharmacy, I ate a berry chicken salad instead with a glass of water.  Then I thought, "Well, it wouldn't hurt to get some icecream since I ate a good supper."  But I talked myself out of that too.  Instead, when I got home, Cornelius and the girls were ready to go for a jog down the Heartland trail. We threw the girls bikes and Jaelle's stroller in the back of the truck and away we went. This was my turn to push the stroller. Cornelius wanted to see how fast he could run tonight without Jaelle.  He did 4 miles in 33 minutes!!  One of his best times! Jaelle and I did a mile together. That little girl is going to be a runner. I believe it.

Jaelle asked to get out of the stroller and then said "Lets go mommy! Let's run!"  She actually was running quite fast and I was surprised how far and fast she was running! 

Anyways, it was a good evening with my family even with getting home late from Urgent Care with a urinary tract infection and I think I showed some serious dedication to get exercise even with how I was feeling.

All this to say that as I lay in bed crying, feeling like I work so hard for hardly any progress- I contemplated and told Cornelius that I was thinking about surgery- yep, I said the word- SURGERY.  The kind where they go in and do crazy stuff to help you lose fat fast. It totally scares me and I really don't want to but with just losing 12 pounds since April and a total of 10 inches, you'd think I'd lose more with all the work I put into this.  And the moaning and groaning continued for a few more minutes and I started to drift to sleep.......then I asked half asleep to Cornelius "Are you asleep?" He answers "no."  "Do you have anything to say about all this?"

"Cherri, little things add up.  Every little pound or inch adds up in the long run.  And God says when we're faithful with little, then he'll entrust us with much."  I shed a few more tears because I KNOW HE'S RIGHT.  And its not an issue of wanting to give up, but an issue of wanting God to honor all my hard work with BIG RESULTS.

So do I feel amazing this morning. Not really.  Do I want to give up? No.  Do I like exercising? Yes, actually I feel good and I love seeing my family doing it along side me too. And man is my husband so supportive. He doesn't tell me what to do, or how to do it. He doesn't ask me how much I've lost or anything like that. He supports me in that he's doing this whole thing along side me and he tells me he's proud of me. He hugs me when I need a hug, he wipes a tear when I need my tears wiped and he's there when I run or complete that 5K.  And that is what I need right now. His constant belief that I can do this.  That I will be able to beat this obesity in my life. That eventually I won't be writing about losing weight, but instead about MAINTAINING that goal weight.

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0AjQKiv937Wl3dE45RUJmLURfd3JBdDgtaHpudnpoTUE&usp=sharing