Mirror Mirror On the Wall

You know how some mornings you wake up just feeling all yucky or like "blah".  This morning I was startled by my alarm clock and almost hit snooze when I was jolted by the thought -"I have to meet Ashley to work out!"  So I quickly get out bed, scramble to the bathroom and look at myself and take a warm washcloth to my gunky sleepy eyes. Throw on some workout clothes, bundling up cause its like 45 degrees out- yeah, I'm crazy but when you have people you're meeting to work out with, well, it sorta keeps you accountable and doesn't let you bail ship and I LOVE IT. 
After my almost 2 mile jog huffing and puffing to the finish, we head to the weight room for about 20-25 minutes.  It was good. Got a good 50 minute workout in and head home feeling accomplished, proud and good that I did my body good.
When I get home and look at myself in the mirror after putting makeup on and fixing my hair I still feel "blah".....why do I look like I gained like 10 pounds?And seriously, this mirror isn't returning me any favors. I see all the things that clothes and makeup try to hide.

The mirror only tells us so much about myself. And we know this but yet we spend so much time, worry and effort on how we look in the mirror to ourselves and others. I know this oh so personally.  And I was convicted of my vain heart this morning.  What if I spent as much time in front of the mirror reading God's Word?
"You're my place of quiet retreat; I wait for your Word to renew me....therefore I lovingly embrace everthing you say." Psalm 119:114, 119 MSG

"Rather it should be that of your INNER self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." or the Message says it like this....
"Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious k ind that God delights in."
I Peter 3:4

All this I know! God looks at a man's heart and not on the outward appearance as man does.  And then I remembered this verse about a mirror found in James 1:22-24

"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what is says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away quickly and immediately forgets what he looks like."
James 1:22-24

Man, that was a like a nice slap in the face this morning. Who am I kidding?  Maybe you or those around me, but NOT God.  I look and look at myself in the mirror and worry more about my exterior and honestly, I am just neglecting and forgetting what God's word says about me.

"I am created in His image...."
"I am His masterpiece...."
"For God so loved ME..."
"Thy Word have I hid in my heart, that I might not sin against thee..."

So mirror on the wall, I may not be the fairest in the land, but I am seriously the most precious gem in God's eye and He has His heart set on me!   When God looks at me, He sees a warrior and mighty woman!

And probably why we shouldn't go by the mirror and what it shows us is because MOST WOMEN don't have a clear/right perception of themselves- it's always tainted with our own views of ourselves and not how God or others see you.  And I say that because when I looked in the mirror today I felt totally fat and blah but honestly I've lost enough inches and have gone down a pant size now. :)  I just shared that with my workout buddies this morning. So what I thought that mirror was showing/telling me this morning was all a lie.  

Let's look at the mirror of God's Word this morning and look into the eyes of our loving heavenly Father to see the mirror of who we are in His eyes.

Sending love and hugs to all my friends and family in the blogging world. :)
HAPPY MONDAY because its a beautiful day that God has made!

Let Go and Grab Onto God

Let go of what we expect and grab onto the One who knows what's to come.

- from a mom with a terminally ill child

"Let the morning bring word of your unfailing love, for I have put my tust in you. Show me the way to go, for to you I lift up my soul." Psalm 143:8

Worship Conference and Dreams

I had the privilage and honor to attend an amazing Worship Conference with a leading artist in the Christian Music Arena, Paul Baloche.  I have liked his music for many years but have really appreciated it even more so as the worship leader at Crystal Lake Community.  He has written and co-written many songs but one of his most popular songs is "Open the Eyes of My Heart".  A group of 8 of us traveled to Cedarsville, Ohio September 13th to spend Friday and Saturday in a worship workshop/conference. It probably was one of the best ones I've been too- so practical, applicable and Spirit filled.  Paul Baloche is such an example of true humility and has the heart for what real worship is- authentic, real, connecting people to God's heart and presence.  I know that the 8 individuals who came LOVED it just as much as me. Gary Nielson and Jim Beach took in the Audio training.  Rita H., Abby C, Jason J and Gina took in the vocal classes. My fellow pianist friend, Val J, took in the keyboard classes. I enjoyed the "Worship Journey" and "Song Writing" classes.  I'm trying to think what was my most favorite class- probably the general sessions with the worship. 

A couple things stick out for me for this worship conference that I don't want to forget.  Before the conference at work on Thursday the 12th, we were told that it was a possibility that 3 positions would be cut from our office from my department.  The Director met with us regarding ideas or suggestions of how we can accomodate everyone and not "force" anyone out.  One of the things brought up was 2 partime workers sharing a caseload with only 1 person receiving the health insurance.  The director asked who would be interested in something like that and right away my friend Trina and I said that we would.  I don't need the insurance since Cornelius carries it through this work.  Trina would need it.  And it would mean that we both would work part time which means more time at home or focusing on other things.  Personally, I have dreamed and wished that this kind of position would open up in our office.  So the fact that it was actually brought up and would be presented to some head people in Lansing as a way to save money and also free up a position in our office, well, it made me all excited and afraid at the same time.

The next day before the conference started around 4pm, Paul Baloche mentioned and brought up about "dreams" and "visions" and encouraged us to dream this weekend. Gary looked at the team and whispered to us "don't forget to dream".  I felt like that was for me.

So the whole weekend was powerful and there are too many details to cover. But I want to remember that "GOD ISN'T FINISHED WITH ME AND MY DREAMS". I've been thinking and dreaming if I were to be able to pursue my music or go to college- and to be honest, I don't know if I really know what I would do if I wasn't working full time. Would I want to go to college? What should I study?  Do I want to open up my studio again and teach? Or would I want to pursue making a music CD? Do I want to do more speaking or leading worship at events?

So many things to think or dream about.....but I can't really dream until I know if my position could possibly be cut to part-time.

Pastor Stephen preached on God's Will for our lives.  And truly I want God's will and not my own will or wishes. Ultimately, its about my journey in this life bringing Him glory, and if working partime so that I could pursue "my dreams" brings Him glory, THEN BRING IT ON GOD!! OPEN THE FLOODGATES OF HEAVEN!  Let it rain!  Lead me to uncharted roads that stretch and grow me.

Hidden Power of Praise

Below I wrote what I decided to share on for the little workshop I’m leading at the Women’s Retreat at Grace Adventures.  Pray for me because I’m nervous- "You? Nervous?"  Yep. I don’t feel like I'm an expert or that I'm super educated in the matter.  But I do feel like I have “learned” and “experienced” this in my own personal life and want to share from my heart. 

So if there were still openings at Grace Adventures for this Women's Retreat, would you come? http://www.graceadventures.org/

I'm leading worship at the women's retreat for weekends September 27-28th and October 4-6th.  This was the first year they asked me to speak at one of the break-outs/workshop.  I struggled with what to do or say or talk about- I know they wanted something about worship, but I didn't want it to be cliche' or just same ol' same ol'.  I want it to be LIFE CHANGING cause God is in the business of changing lives!  And especially when it involves singing/music, it's pretty amazing and we truly have not comprehended how powerful worship and praise is and should be in our own lives.

So I'm asking my friends and family to pray for me as I prepare for these weekends.  Pray for the speakers. That we would be instruments that God's spirit and presence flow through. That nothing would hinder the plans of God for that weekend. And I ask that you pray for my sister Gina and my friend Elissa who will be joining me that weekend in leading the worship.  I think this is our 3rd year back. Maybe its our 4rth year back BUT its the first time they have asked us to do the worship for 2 weekends instead of just one. 

I want to be connected to the throne of God so that I can totally be free to flow in His power, presence and let His heart speak to all the women that come.

"And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. And I will be found of you, saith the Lord." Jeremiah 29:13-14 KJV 

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Workshop Title:  “Life Changing Worship”

Description:

We were born to worship God.  Every time we praise who He is, it unleashes His life changing power in our lives. It is impossible to touch the presence of God and there not be change!

In this class we will discuss what worship is, how God intended it to be utilized in our lives and also discover HIDDEN POWER in PRAISE and WORSHIP.

Come ready to expand your view of worship and discover how praise is the prayer that changes everything!

When Running Blind is Good

So a new chapter has begun in my life.  It seems like things change up in my life quite a bit especially since I dedicated myself to getting healthy and submitted myself to acts of physical cruelity!  Haha!  No really,
this new chapter that started effective September 3rd happened because my friend and trainer, Julia Raglin, told me she wasn't renewing her membership at Gale's Gym and that she was going to be working on her life dream of opening her own gym.  Which by the way, is FANTASTIC! I'm so proud and very happy that Julia is taking the plunge and pursuing this life dream.  Every person should not only pursue but actually DO their life dream.  But what that meant was that I was losing this friend who worked out with me, challenged me and truly walked with me from the start of this health journey since April 2012.  I knew I couldn't go to meet Julia at  her house or new gym because it was too long a drive and working 40 hours a week, I didn't want to add more time away from my family.  So I had to make a choice. I had to make a choice that either I was going to 1. continue without Julia on my own or 2. stop working out because it was just too much for me to handle or do right now.

I chose the right choice.  I had to CONTINUE on this health journey without Julia.  I had to pull on my big girl pannies and really do this.  But I didn't want to do this on my own.  I love working out with a buddy.  Not because I want to have these deep conversations while we're working out (because really, I couldn't do that without gasping for breath after each sentence) but more because it feels right- plain and simple.  We weren't meant to do everything alone. When I'm working out with a buddy or a group, there's this sence of oneness, unity and power. 

So I decided to reach out to a group of ladies that I knew were working out in my home town of Vestaburg and connect with them.  Last time I met up with them, I could totally see that I was no where near as in shape as they were. They were at a different level. And to be honest, I decided that I didn't want to be a tag along and drag them down because I was so slow or so out of breath/shape.  That is when I got connected again with Julia and we did the 3 months in the gym and she pushed me. And I truly belieave that if it wasn't for that time at the gym this summer, I wouldn't be able to workout now with these ladies at Vestaburg.  So I "REACHED OUT" to one of the girls that I new was doing these workouts with the group of ladies at Vestaburg gym.  And I was welcomed with open arms. I started 5am Tuesday September 3rd.  And that first day with them I knew that this was where I was supposed to be and that God continues to lead me each day and leads me to the right people and places for the things that I need to keep me going and growing in my health.

Here is where a new lesson begins for me and maybe you too- on Tuesday, when I arrived at 5am, I wasn't sure what we were going to do. I remember that they did do some lap running in the gym this past spring when the weather was cold and so I thought maybe we'd do that with some weight training.  I just didn't know. When I arrived at 5am at the gym, the ladies said we were going to go running.  I was like "ok, that will be nice on this cool morning."  I didn't think to ask how far or what. For some reason I just felt pretty excited to be there and see what was going to happen.  One of the girls said "lets just run a few blocks". No one said no or laugh so I thought "Ok, i can do a few blocks and that will get us warmed up for what we're going to do."  So off we went. I put on my Mapmyrun to track myself.  I am a slow pace runner and I know these ladies are pretty quick but I kept up with their tempo. We were talking and everything seemed good. But then I realized and starting thinking, umm, they are going more than a few blocks here.  We got to a mile and my Mapmyrun says "Total distance: 1 mile Total time: 11 minutes and 44 secounds." and I was like WHAT?!  That is my best mile.  We kept going and I started slowing down and needed to walk. A couple of the girls stopped with me and I felt real bad and told them to keep running with out me. But they didn't listen. They stuck it out with me and walked with me and then jogged when I started and walked again when I walked.  We finished 1.8 miles in 22 minutes and some secounds.  Seriously, my best time for that distance!!  After that run the ladies and I did some street workout and I can talk about that in a later blog.  But I want to get back to the whole time and running thing.

I told Cornelius that there was something about me not knowing how far I was going to run.  It was like I was blind. I didn't know their path they would take. I didn't know their pace.  Everything was like I was blind folded and was out there giving it my best.  I felt more relaxed that first 3/4 mile. I wasn't thinking "this is going to be hard for me." or "Maybe I should go slower at first so that I can keep running or keep up with them."  I was amazed how "running blind" truly did not cripple me. In fact, it enabled me.   I was enabled to do better than what I thought I could do.  And I've found that when I'm being timed to do a plank or timed to do something, if I'm not actually looking at the clock, I see or find that I do better.

Becca and I read a devotional a few nights ago about the woman who wrote thousands of Hymns like "To God Be the Glory" and some other great ones.  I didn't realize that the writer of those hymns was blind. She was blind since a sickness took her sight around the age of 6 months.  They talked about how she had this joy and never was detered from doing the things the other kids did. She honestly felt sorry for those that could see.  She writes a statement about how she would never wish her blindness away.  This woman jumped fences, played rough with the kids, all while she was blind.  Her blindness did not cripple her.  It enabled her to see in a new way. To see no limits.  She didn't put boundaries on what she could or could not do.

Running blind is like totally trusting God. We don't see the whole picture of our lives. We don't see what is going to happen tomorrow. But we trust Him who holds my life in His hand. We trust that He is guiding us, caring for us, directing us down the right path. That He has enabled me to do more than what I can think or imagine. And when I run blind to God and trust that "he's got this", there really is peace. I feel more relaxed. I can trust that HE SEES and that HIS SIGHT is BETTER THAN MINE.

We need to be blind sometimes so that we can rely on Him and His thoughts of what we can do. And that truly is all I have to say today.  It's been a glorious week. I love that school as started. We all are back into a routine in our household and I love it.  And working out in the mornings just works out for my family too because I have my whole evening after work for them.

Emily Dove, one of my new workout buddies, posted this on her facebook page and I love it......I WILL.....

I will continue to keep you posted on the things we're doing because the workouts have seriously been KICK-BUTT awesome. I will continue to share pictures of my adorable family and life in general.  And I will continue to be real and honest in all that I do and experience becase one of my heart desires is to be "authentic" in my faith walk and that God would shine through me to show His love for everyone I meet.

HAPPY FRIDAY FRIENDS!!