WHAT THE SCALE DOESN'T TELL

So Monday morning I weighed in at work with my weight loss buddy.  We started a month ago a challenge to lose weight and were competing against another county office.  During this past month the scale has gone up and down. And I have to confess that I compared my scale at home to the one we were using at work and it was slightly lower (I liked mine better).  Overall I figured that I lost 2 pounds. But Monday, our last day to weight in, it said I gained 1 pound.  So then that meant I gained 3 pounds?!  Oh for goodness sake Cherri!!  Get a Grip!  So I went back and looked at what Julia's measurements said about me (we measured last week).  I LOST 2.5 inches in ONE MONTH!!  Crazy!  So even though the scale said one thing, my body measurements were down.  That is something the scale just doesn't tell you people- it doesn't give you the whole picture.

The other thing that happened is my running this week. I was able to complete 1.55 miles in 20 minutes flat!!  Big deal for me!! I still can't run all the way, but I have a good running stretch, keep my pace up while I walk and then jog again. Cornelius I were talking how last year I couldn't walk at a pace faster than 3.5-3.8. I remember that it was like killer. This walk/jog that I did on August 27th I was able to walk at a pace of 4.3 according to my fitness app and jog/run at a 5.1 pace comfortably.  BIG DEAL!! Happy Dance!  For me it is progress and I'm always looking for areas of visiable progress because I am so insecure and that insecurity can bog me down.

Sunday afternoon I sang at my friends Baptism at Crystal Lake. It was a private gathering of friends and family and such a beautiful day out.  She asked me to sing "Redeemed" by Big Daddy Weave. When I heard the story behind his song, it really brought tears to my eyes and I connected deeply with it. Mike Weave talks about the story behind his song. His struggle with personal acceptance, insecurity, feeling unworthy and haunted by what or how he saw himself. He was in his garage when he had a literal "visit" with God's presence and His words. God told him- let me show you how I SEE YOU. God redefined what humility was for him. He thought that humility was about this self depricating thing. BUT God showed him what REAL humilty was- simply agreeing with whatever HE, God says. He says that I am a child of God, I have been ransomed by His blood and I am redeemed!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzGAYNKDyIU

I share this because I can so relate to Mike Weave's story and maybe you too can relate.  I have struggled with my image and loving myself since I was a little girl, 8 years old. I can remember that day so clearly when I was told I was fat.....and treated as "less than".  For some reason, that stuck with me. I remember that terrible painful event lead to my first life lesson- to look past the exterior and into the heart of an individual. Grandma asked me "why do you think that girl said that to you Cherri?" All I remember thinking or telling grandma was "Because she's mean grandma! She's a very mean girl."  But that is when grandma told me to look past her words and exterior and see her heart. She told me "Often people who speak hurtful words, are hurting themselves."  I thank God for a grandma who taught me that life lesson- God judges not on man's outward appearance, but on their heart.  And God sees every man's heart. He sees the pain the chains, the bondage. I have so often struggled with the bondage of insecurity and feeling "less than" because of how I looked. Because I was fat, I needed to compensate that with other things. So I worked hard at being socially and emotionally excellent. I worked hard at my studies. I worked hard and worried about being "accepted".  The bondage of wanting to be accepted by everyone is a terrible one- because you are putting others before God.  The bondage of worrying.....so then Monday I read this for my Bible reading:

Matthew 6:25-34 (The Message)

^25-26 “If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don’t fuss about what’s on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.
^27-29 “Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.
^30-33 “If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
³⁴ “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.


Monday I was worrying about all kinds of things.
1. My weight and how I look
2. My time- not having enough time for my family, my kids and me
3. My house- It needs work and I want it to look nicer and be updated with new furniture (blah blah blah)
4. Money- money because there are extra things that come up like school shopping, fixing the water heater, putting new breaks on the van and the list adds up.
5. My job- wishing I was doing something else but feeling stuck with the State because it pays SO GOOD and how could I give up a job like this?!  
6. My life call- am I not listening to God because I'm more worried about MY IMAGE, MY HOUSE, MY MONEY than I am about following Him and doing whatever He asks or has for me. Am I missing out on huge blessings by giving it all up to follow Him whole heartedly?

And notice how I listed everything has MINE and MY....seriously Cherri?  This isn't about you! 

I guess I'm off the whole weightloss track right now. But if only you knew all the things that rattled in my brain day in and day out. :) 

After writing all this I just want you all to know that the scale, or your image or your money and what you do or don't have does not define you.  GOD defines who you are.  God says
1. You are loved
2. You are His
3. You were created with a purpose
4. You are able to do more than you can possible imagine!
5. You are created in Christ Jesus to do Good works
6. You are accepted just because You are a Child of the King, created in His image
7. You are beautiful, the apple of His eye
8. You are not alone
9. You are His light in this world
10. You are redeemed- rescued/forgiven because of what Jesus did for you! (we dont have to earn it!)

The list goes on and on!

And one more picture to end this blog today. 

This Pictures Says it All

When I haven't written in awhile, you know its because I've been living. Life has been good and busy and full of wonderful things.  After my 14th anniversary on August 7th we left August 8th for the Bornman family reunion.  We hosted it in Michigan this year. Family from all over came.  This reunion is special not only because of the people that come, but because we only do this every 5 years.  We were together for 4 glorious night and 5 days.  Upon returning we've had this whirlwind of activity.  Nothing fancy- just enjoying the last few weeks of summer before school starts.  We been eating produce from our garden and picking fruit from the fruit trees. Its just been very wonderful. I have SO MANY PICTURES that I'm not sure I could upload them all. Seriously, we took like 300 some pictures at the reunion between my nephew and myself.  And then there have been those days at home where I've taken the cutest pics ever of my girls- they get cuter all the time!  Anyway, I will upload those soon so I can share my visual treasures with you.

But, today is not that day.  Today I'm sharing a picture that my friend Julia sent me privately on facebook and this picture says it all to me right now. Most the time you want to be private and not share or talk about things you're going through that are difficult or hard. But for some reason, this journey with my health and weight loss has been different.  I am not afraid to share the details. The times I cry. The moments I have felt ashamed or defeated or even depressed. I think its because when you've been bound by something so long, and realize that it has crippled or bound you, then you want to be rid of it. It's almost freeing in fact.  Its like I have been in prison, and all of a sudden I'm out. I'm free. Now what? I can either go on with life and do the right thing or choose the things in life that put me in prison.  So has my being overweight been like a prison?  In some ways yes!  I was bound by lies that kept me thinking it was ok for me to be overweight. That I would always be fat. That I wasn't able to lose the weight. That my being fat was my lot in life.  That eating food should be pleasurable. That its meant to fulfill me and make me feel better. 

And those lies lead me to feeling weak, defeated, extremely insecure, depressed and literally physically ill.  The more weight I put on, the more struggles with my insulin sugar levels in my body and with my organs such as my heart and kidneys.  Emotionally I was bound by my emotions that kept me from being who God wants me to be- a whole individual who realizes that I am strong and that God has given me the ability to do things I never thought I could do!

So here I am today, looking at this picture and thinking "I'm doing it! I'm actually making visible progress!"  Sometimes when you see yourself every day and because you're your worst critic, you don't or can't see the progress. And I thank God for my friend Julia who gives me concrete evidence with pictures or with inches lost and increased reps or increased pounds on my weight training. Those are measurable things that show me that I'm on the right track.

 

Sometimes I feel vain focusing in on my weight and on my health all the time.  But that is where I'm at and where God is teaching my simple things that truly matter.

 

Here are a few little simple things I've learned on this journey:

(these are things I've learned personally and are not necessarily for everyone else to learn!)

 

1. Just start- start exercising and eating right and don't stop.

2. Find someone to walk along side of you during your health journey. You're going to need someone to push you. Someone to encourage you and someone to tell you you're on track.  That buddy is someone you can totally be vulnerable with and not hold anything back. 

3. You can't do this alone. God didn't intend for us to be lone rangers. We are called to live in community, to bear each others burdens and to spur each other on towards good deeds that honor God.

4. When you think you're hungry, drink some water. Many times I've found that I was not hungry but just thirsty.

5. Food is not for entertainment purposes or for making me feel better. Food was made to fuel my body.  Now food can be a method in which I can entertain and show hospitality. But foods sole purpose is to nourish my body and keep me strong for God's work and purpose while I live on this earth.

6. Don't starve yourself! I've have found that eating too few calories can actually harm you and not do good. That isn't a license to go and eat whatever. But to make sure I eat calories that are full of nutrients and that actually fill me up. "Empty calories" is what makes me crave and want to eat more. Empty calories are foods that are low calorie but not really nutritious or filling.

7. I am stronger than what I realize. Its so easy to be bound by my insecurity and false opinion/image of myself.  It has taken people in my life to show me that I am those wrong feelings and images of myself control what I can really do.

8. The truth shall set you free!!  (truth about food, truth about health, truth about who I am in Christ Jesus- I could do a whole blog on this topic)

9. True beauty is within - and it is, but your health is within and will radiate if you take care of yourself.

10. I'm still learning to love myself and believe in myself....its like a constant battle. This battle of the mind which God talks about in the Bible.

11. Find someone who knows more than you about what you're learning about and submit to their teaching.  I have found that its hard for people to admit that they don't know it all. Or that they are wrong. They want to hold on to what they think is right.  Well guess what buttercup?  You're not always right and it takes a strong person to admit that what you're doing isn't working.  When you come to an end of yourself, you'll lay down your pride, let someone in and let them scrutinize and analyze and work on you, that's when great things can happen in your life.  That's how we need to be with God too!

12. I can not imagine doing this without God. Because there have been times that my will power or own strength is not enough or strong enough, but His power can be revealed through me when I come to Him. His Spirit enables me to keep doing this.  Its hard for us physical beings to understand this. But its His Spirit in us that gives life and strength and direction. Without His Spirit, whom we receive when we believe and follow Him, that will enable me to do above what I can imagine.  All this is another topic that I could blog on too!

13.....seems like I'm forgetting something. I'm sure I'll think or remember more when I'm done with this blog tonight. What's so wonderful is that its ok if I haven't written down what all I think I've learned. Because I'm continually learning!!!

 

Oh dear friends, let us not give up hope. And I'm saying this to myself because I so easily can lose hope or feel discouraged. Instead I want to choose a heart full of hope and assurance that I am in His grip and that God has me and will give me all that I need TO DO THIS and to remain steadfast.  And not only steadfast, but with a grateful and thankful heart full of praises for all that He's doing in my life.

 

My Prayer

Thank you God for saving my life! Not only my soul, but my physical body too. May my life be a testament of You living in me.  Shine Jesus in me so that all may see that God is real and that His love and plan for my life is bigger and better than what I have in mind. This is just the beginning of more journeys and life lessons and I want to anticipate with joy all that is yet to come.  I'm thankful that You have blessed me and given me treasures in my family and in the gifts you've given me to use on earth.  I love you and pray these things in your name, Amen.

 

 

 

14th Wedding Anniversary

“14 years ago today on a rainy day (such as today), I married the man who has shown me nothing but unconditional, patient, sacrificial love. He has kept his vows to me when he said "I will teach our children about Jesus and want to grow old with you holding your hands...." and he said a few more things but those words stick out the most. He's been that Spiritual leader of our home, true companion through my ups and downs and an amazing father. God has blessed me and today I am reminded again on that rainy day 14 years ago that I would have "showers of blessings" in my marriage. To many more years and believing that our adventure together has only begun!!”

Over a Hump

August is out with a good start. August 1st I had a doctor appointment at 1pm. I left work early and picked up Abby and Becca on the way to the doctor. I lost 4 pounds since my last doctor appointment a month ago. And I was on my period and so I knew in my mind that it would have been even more pounds lost if I wasn't bloated but who cares- I lost. And that scale has been stuck for awhile. The doctor was so pleased with my progress. She told me that we can wait for me to return. I mentioned the S word- SURGERY. And she just looked at me like I was crazy. She encouraged me and told me to keep at it. And that I'm older, I've had kids and I'm making gains in my health which is most important.
Afterwards we headed for pedicures.  It was the girls first time getting pedicures. Abby loved the massaging chairs and almost fell asleep. Becca was super ticklish and laughed/giggled while they worked on her feet.  Here's cute pic of my sweet girls getting a pedicure for the first time.

I got a UTI infection and ended up not working out that last week in August. But it turned out ok. I started fresh and went yesterday and today. I did my best work out yesterday. I did a few things that I wasn't able to do before. I was able to do the inclined sit ups- 10 of them!  I couldn't even do one when we started!!  WHOOP!! WHOOP!! And then I did these knee pull up things. You're sitting on your elbows dangling and then pull up your knees to your chest. I did like 15 of them. I couldn't hardly do 3 when we first started working out and it hurt my shoulders so bad because I could hardly hold up my weight.  Completely proud of myself.  THEN, there was this kid in the gym. I don't know. Maybe he's 20. He's red haired and freckled. I could see him lifting/pulling like 200lbs on this machine and I was like "What? That kid probably don't even weigh 200 pounds." SO I walked over to him and tapped him on the shoulder (he was wearing headphones), he looked up at me sorta like "what?" and then I asked "Do you even weigh as much as your lifting?" And he smiled and said "I'm just warming up."  So I sat down at the machine kiddy corner from him and said "I'm going to lift at least 150 pounds." So I did. Then I said "I'm going to lift the same as you, 200lbs, at least 5 times." And the kid smiled and was super nice and said "Just make sure you're pinching in your shoulder blades cause that is where you want to feel it with these."  So I did- I did 200lbs 5 times. And the owner of the gym came over and said to me and that boy "Hey, I just want you to know Cherri that the machine you're using is more difficult and the weights are heavier." And I made this wink/smile at the boy and he laughed. Anyways, it was a super fun night. And I did the plank like 2 times without hardly resting in between.  It was a crazy hard workout and MAN, was I sore this morning. BUT IT FELT GOOD and I feel strong.  I told Cornelius last night before bed, "I am getting strong. And I am going to lose this fat." He told me "I know you are"  We were examining my arm and shoulder muscles. My arms have definitely lost the most inches and their toning and firm.  Its exciting to see results not only physically, but to see results in your workout and see that you're physically able to do more than when you started-it feels so good and empowering.

Sometimes I feel bad for thinking and talking and writing so much about working out. I should be talking about deeper things. But seriously, this is where I'm at. Working at getting this body strong and healthy. Losing weight so that I can live and be an example to my children to be active.

Today, the family came with me to the gym. I worked out with Julia and they went on the Heartland trail. When they got back I was done working out. I did my cardio before Julia got there. And the mile is getting a little easier. I was able to do it in 12 minutes 40 seconds and I didn't feel like I was pushing myself. I could have pushed more to have a quicker pace. But I did a good pace and walked only 3 minutes of that 12 minute mile.

I met an amazing woman at the gym a week or so ago. Her name is Andrea. She was prego with her first baby. She came to work out that Friday night at the gym and was getting induced at midnight that night!!  She was super in shape and did running and weight lifting that night. She was very inspirational and encouraging. She recommended a blog/facebook site for running moms. When we talked about her health, she had some serious issues with her body during her pregnancy- something with her hips. But she told me that working out helped her with the pain. She also did her best 5K of 22 minutes!  She told me that her doctor wanted her to come to every OB appointment he had to show women that pregnancy is not a disability and to keep being active. Anyway, I was inspired to keep working at it- no matter what stage of life you are in, its always important to stay in shape.

 

Andrea was smart. She consulted with her doctor regarding her health/exercise regimen while pregnant. She wore a heart monitor while exercising and a prego belt support around her belly. She is a nurse and is doing her doctorate in Women's Health. 

 

Tonight as I sit here writing, I'm thankful for a family that supports me. A family that loves me and a family that believes in me.  I've lost a few more pounds and feel like I'm OVER THE HUMP and reaching new ground in my weight loss. Hoping that we're on track to start losing more weight!