Girls at the Gym

Yesterday was just one of those days that was a good busy and a hard busy.  I had another doctor appointment just to follow up with how I was feeling and how the Vitamin D suppliment was affecting me.  I don't have that severe depression and fatigue and I am starting to feel more myself.  I did talk alot about my weight and my exercising and all that I'm doing.  The doctor was so encouraging and told me to just focus on inches lost right now and not to be discouraged about my weight. We'll follow up in August again. I told her that numbers are a big deal for me because of my BMI.  Right now she's very pleased with my blood work, and right now I am losing fat and gaining muscle (that is what everyone is telling me).  She even told me not to weigh myself and just do measurements this summer.  I asked her if she would consider checking my Thyroid to see if I need a low dose of medicine to boost my metabolism.  The blood test showed good results and that my Thyroid was healthy.  So we leave it alone and I keep working at it.  It continues to be about being faithful, steadfast and disciplined.

TOOK THE GIRLS TO THE GYM!

This picture is of me and the girls after our 1 mile run yesterday.  Aren't they beautiful? I invited them to come along so that we could have time together (Its hard being a working mom and struggling to get more time with your kids! ) and so they could see what their momy is up to at the gym. T

First we did our run on the trail. They ran ahead of me because they just have so much more stamina than me.  But it made me work hard to keep up with those little gals. :)  Then we went into the gym so I could do my weight training. They read a book while I was lifting weights with Julia. 

Becca took pics of me lifting.  So I can remember what I first looked like when I first started training. I keep believing I'm going to get BIG results even though right now its just so minimal.

Becca is on my right. She turned 9 in January.  Abby is 11 1/2 years old. She will be 12 in November this year!

I hadn't had a pedicure in 3 months I think. It felt so good to be pampered.  My feet have felt a little sore and tired from my walking/jogging.

Here is a little picture of what I did yesterday on my day off:

9:15am doc appointment Mt. Pleasant

10:30am pedicure

Noon -meet with photographer to discuss family pictures

1pm grocery shopping

Got home at 2:30pm from Mt pleasant from shopping and unloaded groceries

3pm left to go work out at gym- ran a mile and did weight training with my trainer (my 2 oldest girls came along and ran with us)

4:40pm back home- showered to get ready to go to softball party for my girls

4:45pm- few minutes visiting with Irene, my mother-n-law (she's visiting for a week)

6pm softball party

8:30pm got home and was starting to get the baby ready for bed when we get a call that my nephew was taken by ambulance to go to Hospital

9pm my dad calls and asks if I’ll get grandma to bed

9:20pm arrive at grandma’s- bathing, changing, getting in to bed, meds and tucking in the covers.

Back home at 11pm

To bed at 12:30am

First Week of Weight Training Accomplished

Yesterday was a beautiful MONDAY...yep, a beautiful Monday.  Monday can be so depressing because its the beginning to another long work week. But for me, it was the beginning of another WORKOUT WEEK with my friend and trainer Julia.

Last week, June 10th, we started my new exercise regimen with weight training.  So I'm still using MyFitnessPal to keep track of calories, carbs, fat, sugar etc.  And instead of me trying to always go on a 3 mile walk/jog, Julia had me focus on doing 1mile 5 days a week and focusing on increasing my speed/time during that 1 mile.  It was a crazy week last week.  All the different pains I was feeling in my muscles in the different places we targeted specifically. Here's the run down:

MONDAY June 10th we did:
1. Push Ups
2. Cable row
3. Chest flye
4. Lat. pulldown
5. Cable Crunches
6. 1 mile on the treadmill in 15 minutes- I've never been on a treadmill to be intentionally working out. I mean, I've hopped on for some kicks but never stayed on because it just seemed scary or like I'd fall off.....I know, you are probably like "What?!  Never on a treadmill and you're how old?!"  It was a big deal for me.

TUESDAY I didn't go to the gym. Just did 1 mile at Becca's softball game. I did 1 mile just under 14 minutes.  My time wasn't real accurate because GPS couldn't track me at first.  But the important thing is that I did it and wasn't distracted or deterred from completing my walk/jog.

WEDNESDAY back to the Gym:
1. Lunges
2. Squat Machine
3. Step Ups
4. Calf Rises
5. Leg Extension
6. Leg Curl Machine
7. Outer Leg Machine
* did not run......I was SORE and jiggly feeling already in my legs from this work out!!

THURSDAY morning I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to walk. But I'm taking Nighttime Recovery through Advocare and it definitely has helped with the soreness. By Thursday afternoon I was in a bad way....I thought to myself, how am I going to go walking/jogging.  But I did.  Abby went with me and she helped to up my pace because I was trying to keep up with her.  We were at another one of Becca's games in Blanchard this time. We had to track the miles with the van to see how far a mile was because GPS couldn't find me out there.  So I wasn't able to really get a good gage of how fast or slow I was going but again, I completed it!

FRIDAY I told Julia that I was feeling muscle soreness in places I hadn't felt sore before.  In fact, Tuesday, on the way in the car to a funeral viewing, I was feeling tightness in my chest.  I actually thought maybe I was having chest pains or a heart attack or something.  I didn't want to freak. So I touched my upper chest area (above the boobs people) and noticed that it was sore/tender and I was like "oh my word, I'm having pain and tightness in my chest....what is going on?"  And then it dawned on me, I was sore like sore from working out muscles I hadn't worked out before.....LOL!!  It's so funny now that I think about it.  Julia asked me if I had never worked out those muscles before and I'm like "Well, maybe, back in Highschool or something." 
Workout consisted of:
1. Hammer Curls
2. Tricep Extension
3. Standing shoulder
4. Cable bicep curl
5. Cable bicep extension
6. Side raises
7. Bicep cable pull
8. Dips
9. Front raises
10. 1 mile outside on the trail with Julia.  And I believe I did it in 13 minutes 37 seconds.

SATURDAY I worked in the yard and flowerbeds to get my exercise.
SUNDAY we were in Ludington at the beach and I did half a mile of speed walking and jogging in the sand.

And here we are, at the beginning of my second week.
MONDAY June 17th I went walking/jogging last night by Crystal Lake with my friend Valarie Johnston.  Here is my time for 2 miles: 27 minutes and 40 secounds.  I was on track to do my best 5K!!!
http://www.mapmyrun.com/workout/305069091

Tonight I will meet up with Julia again to do my weight training.  She posted this pic on my facebook yesterday.  I was feeling kind of down because on Monday morning it said I gained a few pounds and I was like "WHAT?! Are you kidding me? After all I'm doing?"  And seriously people, I'm watching that food and making sure its good wholesome food, not junk or empty calories.


EPHESIANS 3:20-21
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

His power is at work in me! Romas 8 talks about being a conqueror- someone who is able to defeat and conquer trials, strongholds because of God in me.  He has placed that strength in me. And I have to remind myself of this daily.

Today, I feel encouraged. I feel empowered to continue this journey. 

My first gym picture.....I was afraid to take this picture because you see my fat body. 
But the cool thing is....NOT FOR LONG.  :)

Time with Grandma and Father's Day at Ludington

So we had a really wonderful weekend.  And actually Cornelius made it sorta his weekend by making a list of things for us to do and work at on Saturday so that we would be ready for our day away at Ludington Beach on Sunday, Father's Day.  Becca wasn't too sure about the whole list thing and said "But I thought it was summer vacation?"  And Abby was all about getting the projects done.  Becca soon forgot that she didn't want to do work once she got out there and helped to plant things in the garden.  Cornelius is a little behind this season with his garden because for one, its been a cold start to our planting season.  And two, he's so busy working many hours and taking a full load of classes. Did I tell you that he has a GPA of 4.0?  He's amazing!!  And I'm telling you, the man doesn't forsake his family or duties even while he's working and taking a full case load.  For example, Thursday night we got back from Becca's game at 8:30pm. He jumped on the mower and mowed until it was dark (around 10pm) and came inside to do his homework.  He has long and late days and does not complain.....I know that I would complain how tired or overworked I am if I had days like him. 

Anyway, we got alot done Saturday. Garden, yard, planting flower beds (we didn't get them all done but at least cleaned them up).  We went to visit grandma in the hospital after that long day.  I just felt this urgency that we need to make time and see her.  She's been there since June 9th.  She has pancreatitis and the doctor said the only way to cure her of it is to "starve" her. She's basically had NOTHING since the 9th. She's had jello and chicken broth and her IV with fluids and nutrients but that is it.  She's 95 years old and barely weighs anything as it is. When we got to the hospital, she was sleeping. I woke her up. She seemed a little groggy but as soon as she saw the girls, she perked right up.  She looks weak. But her spirit is so strong. Its like her body is getting old but her spirit and her heart is strong. She still has the sweetest smile that melts my heart. She told me that I make her feel extra special to be a grandma- she has always made me feel golden.  I love that woman and I wanted to cry a few times because I feel like she's slipping away and I'm not ready for it.  How could I have let time slip by and not enjoy her wisdom, her love and her hugs more?  She truly has been the most amazing cheerleader and spiritual mentor in my life. Always loving me in a way that challenges me to seek God more.  If you knew her, you would know what I mean.

I crawled into bed with grandma ....just cause I wanted to be close to her and feel like we were sitting together on the couch and not visiting eachother because she's sick.  I asked her if she wanted me to read the Bible. She did.  I got my smartphone out and read from my Bible app.  She first asked me to read from John 8.  So I did. I read all the way through and wondered  while I was reading "Why is grandma having me read this? Is she wanting to me know something?"  Then after I was done reading, I said "Grandma, why did you want to read that?"  She said "Well, that was good but it wasn't what I was wanting to hear."  I laughed.; ) She wanted to read Romans 8.

Its worth me copying and pasting into this blog because its so good:

Life Through the Spirit

8 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, ² because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you^[a] free from the law of sin and death. ³ For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh,^[b] God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering.^[c] And so he condemned sin in the flesh, ⁴ in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

⁵ Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. ⁶ The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. ⁷ The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. ⁸ Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God.
⁹ You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ. ¹⁰ But if Christ is in you, then even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the Spirit gives life^[d] because of righteousness. ¹¹ And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of^[e] his Spirit who lives in you.
¹² Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation—but it is not to the flesh, to live according to it. ¹³ For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.
¹⁴ For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. ¹⁵ The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship.^[f] And by him we cry, “Abba,^[g] Father.” ¹⁶ The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. ¹⁷ Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

Present Suffering and Future Glory

¹⁸ I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. ¹⁹ For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. ²⁰ For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope ²¹ that^[h] the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.
²² We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. ²³ Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. ²⁴ For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? ²⁵ But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
²⁶ In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. ²⁷ And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.
²⁸ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who^[i] have been called according to his purpose. ²⁹ For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. ³⁰ And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

More Than Conquerors

³¹ What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? ³² He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? ³³ Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. ³⁴ Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. ³⁵ Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? ³⁶ As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;
    we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”^[j]

³⁷ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[k] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Then Grandma sited from MEMORY Ephesians 3:14-21

A Prayer for the Ephesians

¹⁴ For this reason I kneel before the Father, ¹⁵ from whom every family^[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. ¹⁶ I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
²⁰ Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

^--------
She seemed weak when she was telling me this verse from memory and it frightened me.....but then I was full of a sense of great hope - I will see you again.  I will see grandma again because we share the same hope, faith and promise knowing that we will be reunited. That death is only temporary because this world is only a small glimmer of what truly awaits us in heaven, those who believe. 
Grandma has the most beautiful poems that she has written of this hope and promise and short life here on earth.  I need to share them with you all. Next time though. :)

Sunday morning we went to church and then left right at noon to drive to Ludington. I rode with my girls and Valarie Johnston and my friend Jenica Arntz and her little girl.  When we got to the parking lot for the beach, it was totally crawling with people for Gus Macker Basketball tournaments. But we found several picnic tables and a grill and started our picnic lunch. We had a feast! Grilled hotdogs, hamburgers, potato salad, baked beans, watermelon, corn on the cob and a yummy oreo pudding.  When our meal was complete, we headed down to the beach.  It was a beautiful day- sunny but windy and the water was COLD.  The crazy kids still got in and played.  Here are some fun pictures from our day at the beach.

Abby was laying in the sand and messing around and I told her to smile- She's a natural beauty :)

Becca was all smiles and super excited. Isn't she cute?

They told me to take a picture of them in their bathtub that they dug out of the sand. :)

Philena had a boat that she shared in the fun with. The wind had caught her and knocked her over when she was walking to the water....it was hilarious. I knew it was going to happen because she's so light and the wind was blowing right at her.

The water was freezing...and these crazy kids were in it and swimming and splashing around.

We were getting ready to leave Ludington Beach and Cornelius said "I have to just jump off one hill before we leave!" So away he went. I love how crazy fun he is and that he's physically fit enough to do his stunts.

We had to get icecream at the House of Flavors on the way home.

The Bornman and Johnston girls

Loving this family picture

And just me catching some rays

And here is a cute video of Jaelle and her first time at Lake Michigan.  Can you hear her copy my squeal at the end of the video?  I didn't notice it until after I listened/watched it. :)

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=581522241891833&l=6679263731825667552


I didn't get pictures of Cornelius playing with the kids but he did all sorts of fun things like doing a long jump contest with the kids and playing frisbie.  The kids just thrive on his attention and fun. He genuinely enjoys playing.....and its a joy to watch him.  I think the kids are just amazed as I am with how agile he is.  I was honestly afraid he might hurt his back because he was running around all day chasing the crazy throws that the kids did with the frisbie and doing tricks.
The weekend is over, and we had such a glorious weekend. Filled with love, fun and TIME together. Its easy for me to complain and worry about little things.  Life really is good and my family is blessed and I am content.

BEST DAD CONTEST

If I were ever to enter my husband into a contest, I think it would be "Best Dad" Contest.  I am convinced that Cornelius is probably the best father I know.  I have many men in my life and respect and love them dearly, but none of them hold a candle to my husband and how well he cares for his family. I'm not just boasting and being unrealistic people- CORNELIUS IS HANDS DOWN ONE OF THE BEST DAD'S I KNOW!!

And here are some reasons why:

1. He is the the most UNSELFISH person I know- their needs come first.

2. He always got up in the night to feed, change and rock the babies. I didn't have to ask him and still don't have to.

3. If I want to go away for a girl's night or just to run an errand, its never a big deal for him to watch the girls.  He never tells me "well next time it's your turn." 

4. Family comes first- it's almost a fault of his. He will say no to things or not do things because he doesn't want to forsake time with his kids.

5. He can outplay any kid because he is a kid!  Cornelius amazes me how much energy he has and how he can keep up with the kids running, biking, playing ball.  He loves to play with kids. And it probably explains why he does Children's Ministry.

6. He is a patient teacher.  Everything he knows, he teaches our girls. And if he doesn't know it, he will take time to figure it out and work with the girls to learn it.  Whether is an art project, baking, sewing....

7. Yeah, that's another thing- Cornelius is a jack of all trades- he can sew, bake, cook, can, grow a beautiful garden, fix anything.  He can do pottery on a pottery wheel, he's an amazing juggler, he can build anything he puts his mind too whether he knows how to do it or not.

8.  He's sensitive to our children's feelings and needs. He is very intuitive and seems to know what to do or say with our girls.  Which is crazy because Cornelius isn't a feely emotional person. He's level headed and a reasoner, but he's just so patient.

9. Cornelius always wanted to be a father and you can see it in how he interacts with our children and other children.

10.  Cornelius shows his love in such tangable ways through his acts of service, how he provides financially for us and especially the time he gives to us each day before he meets his own needs.

That was one of the reasons I married him- I knew he would be a provider to me and our children, that he would love them whole heartedly not just with words, but by his actions and devotion. That he would play with them, encourage them, discipline them and show them the truth of God's Word.  All these things Cornelius is and does.

Here's a poem I found  that seems to fit Cornelius perfectly (AND MY DAD TOO!):

He never looks for praises
He's never one to boast
He just goes on quietly working
For those he loves the most
His dreams are seldom spoken
His wants are very few
And most of the time his worries
Will go unspoken too
He's there.... A firm foundation
Through all our storms of life
A sturdy hand to hold to
In times of stress and strife
A true friend we can turn to
When times are good or bad
One of our greatest blessings,
The man that we call Dad.
Source: Poem About A Silent Strong Dad

I was going through pictures on my computer and found a few that I like.  There are so many more I could have chosen but these seem to fit and show bits of his personality.  I should have the girls post something  about their dad. Its always more special hearing it from the kids.

Jaelle was just a few weeks old when we went camping with friends. Cornelius didn't run off with the guys and leave me with the kids like the other dads did. He stuck around, played with the girls and even took time to rock Jaelle to sleep at the beach. 

He's a great story read- I love listening to him read as much as the girls love having him read to them

When I was pregnant with Abby, her due date was 11/16/01.  He asked me to go over my due date so that Abby could be born on his birthday.  He must have cursed me because that is EXACTLY what happened. Abby was born on November 19th, the same day as Cornelius. And see that cake? Yep, he made it. A beautiful German Torte from scratch.  He always makes the birthday cakes.

Cornelius loves to stop at library book sales. This one was in Ludington.  He has instilled a love of reading in our girls.

One of the most common places to find Cornelius in our home- THE KITCHEN.  He seriously should be a chef.

Cornelius is a kid at heart. He loves playing with his kids.

At the zoo.

Cornelius is an amazing baker- baking pies, cookies and cakes from scratch.  Here is a cute pic of him doing sugar cookies with the girls.

While doing this cartwheel Cornelius said "If I can still do a cartwheel then I'm not old."  And he still can. :)

This picture was taken on our anniversary get away to Pictured Rocks- He literally jumped down the Log Run and I think its like 200 feet down or something crazy like that.  He's fearless!!!

Video games.  Who'es having more fun? Cornelius or Becca?

Cornelius working hard in my parent's Greenhouse. He's so good to my parents.

Cornelius working.

Corneilus loves nature and hunting and fishing. He has told me one of the best ways he encounters God is in God's creation.

Cornelius the chef- Thanksgiving Turkey

Cornelius and his farm girls.

First picture taken of our whole family after Jaelle's birth. Such a proud daddy.

I think a father is a man who holds his family in his hands and gives his heart and whole life for them. He lives Christ's love in a tangable way to his family so that they can experience their Heavenly Father in a real way on earth.

Cornelius, you truly are an amazing man. And I don't need to try to prove it, because those who know you best, hear it and see it. You are a man who lives your faith and because of it, your children are blessed and thriving.  Thank you for being a father to our children.

I love you.

Happy Father's Day!

You're Asking Me to Do What?!

So I was asked to do and go somewhere I have never gone before. And you know that feeling when you get when you are going to do something you've never done or you're unsure about?  You get all jittery, nervous, heart racing, have to run to the bathroom and all kinds of craziness!! 
I recently took an "Emotional Intelligence" class.  This is the definitation if you're not sure what I'm talking about:
" The ability to recognize and manage our emotions, thoughts and impulses and to motiviate ourselves, and to accurately perceive and appropriately respond to other's needs and emotions to build effective relationships."
The Core EI Competencies: (in this order)
1. Self- Awareness
2. Self- Regulation
3. Self- Motivation
4. Empathy
5. Effective Relationships

Our thoughts lead to emotions. Emotions lead to behavior. Some behavior is helpful and some is not.

I have an amazing friend, Julia Raglin, who is trained or educated in Fitness in Health. She has her bachelors from CMU.  Anyway, I met her through another friend at church.  She is very beautiful, in shape and an extremely caring person in a genuine way.  Last April she helped me and introduced me to the 24 Day Challenge with Advocare. She measured me and made an exercise plan for me.  I was extremely successful during that time with her.  I decided that since I've had a slow go with my weightloss recently that I needed to consult my friend and her wisdom. So I contacted Julia and asked her about training me and working with me to lose weight.  She was super excited and didn't hesitate to answer YES.  She told me she wanted to meet me at Gale's Gym and we'd start an exercise program and she'd take pictures and my measurements.  You know I was all fine with the measuring and weighing and pics and all. You'd think that I'd be freaked about that. I was excited to have this awesome friend help me but TERRIFIED especially because she mentioned the word...G-Y-M.   I have never been to a Gym and know nothing about those places. In fact, I like to steer clear of them because they contain highly attractive fit people who know all about being in shape.  Its extremely intimidating to me.  But I couldn't tell Julia "No, we're not going to the Gym. We're going to meet at your house or mine."  Which now that I think about it, I didn't even think at that time (and that might have been a good idea!!)  Anyway, instead I said ok and we set dates and times to meet. 

As the day approached for me to meet Julia, I started feeling anxious and those anxious and nervous feelings/emotions were leading to physical behaviors- frequent bathroom breaks, racing heart, jittery legs etc. you get the picture!  I was going to let my emotions and feelings dictate how I was going to engage in a physical act.  And now that I think about it, I can see where I have done that with food.  I have feelings of depression, loneliness, frustration, and so I go and eat food.  Ever been there and done that?  Yeah, me too and it is very defeating because many times, I wasn't really hungry.  I felt like I needed that food but really what I needed to do was either go to bed on time, go for a walk, play the piano or do any activity that would be beneficial to my health and emotions.

So yesterday I was aware of those emotions (Core compentency 1) and then I regulated those emotions by prayer, surrounding myself with truth-God's Word and realistic goals (Core competency 2) and then I motivated myself to go to the Gym by having accountability- Julia (Core Competency 3).    Now the next comptency is Empathy, and I don't feel a need to be empathetic to my state. In fact, what I need is a good kick in the pants to do the right thing. (Which, Julia did!!)  But seriously, Julia has been so empathetic with me regarding my weight. Not telling me its ok, but very encouraging and believing that God has given me all I need to do this battle.  And it's not that I don't know this, but truly, it's amazing to have someone there by your side and encouraging you.  Thanks Julia :)

Here's a beautiful picture of Julia and her family.

Ok, so do you want to know if I made it to the Gym?  I DID!  In fact, I got there at 4:30pm by myself, went to the bathroom and changed into my exercise clothes. Julia got there and did some measurements and took some pics. Then we did upper body work and ab exercises.  We did 15 minutes of cardio on a treadmill WHICH I HAVE NEVER DONE....I had this picture of me falling off the treadmill and hitting my face on the machine on the way down...I'm laughing as I write this and realize how silly this all sounds! LOL!

So I did it!!  Another first for me in my life. I worked out in a Gym. Who would have guessed that I would walk my big butt in the gym and do this?  I feel like I am very aware of the reality of my weight and how big I am.  I know that my value is not in how I look but my health definitely involves my weight being at an appropriate number.  I want to be healthy to live and enjoy this life God has given me. I want to live so that I can completely and passionately serve God and others. I want to take care of myself to honor God and this temple He has given me. And in all honesty, I want to look nice for my husband and be active enough to keep up with him and my kids.

I read something before bed last night that brought tears to my eyes. Its from the book "Made to Crave" by Lysa Terkeurst. * amazing book peoples!! you need to read it!

page 69 (last paragraph) and continue onto page 70

Like many women, I'd struggled with a flawed perception of myself. My sense of identity and worth were dependent on wrong things- my circumstances or my weight or wether I yelled at the kids that day or what other people thought of me. If I sensed I wasn't measuring up, I kicked into either withdrawal mode or fix-it mode. Withdrawal mode made me pull back from relatinoships, fearing other's judgements. I built walls around my heart to keep people at a distance. Fix-it mode made me overanalyze other people's every word and expression looking for way to manipulate their opnions to be more pleasing toward me.  take, for example, the crazy question I asked my husband every time I felt insecure while getting ready in the morning: "Does this make me look fat?" This question had nothing to do with my outfit. It was an attempt to get him to say something, anything to make me feel better about myself. I could maniuplate a compliment but, in the end I still felt so empty.  Both of these are crazy modes to be in.

She goes on to talk about a comment that was made to her during her exercise class and how it didn't rattle her- because she was diligently filling her heart and mind with God's truths and how these truths were protecting her.  She sited this scripture that is powerful and applied it to her situation:

"I will go before you...I (God) knew this comment would be made in exercise class this morning...

and will level the mountains...and that's why the HOly Spirit prompted you to remember these exact verses, even if only faintly,to protect you from what could have been a huge hurt to your heart.

I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron...I will break through the lies that could have imprisoned you and made you doubt your true worth.

I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places...In the most unlikely places I will bless your efforts and reward your perseverance with small indications of your victory.

....so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name"......

I love you, Cherri.  I loved you at 250 pounds. I love you and no number on the scale will ever change that.  I'm not taking you on this journey because I need you to weigh less. I am taking you on this journey because I desire for you to be healthy in every sense of the word. I know your name, Cherri. Now, rest in the security of My name and all that it means to your identity. 

 Isaiah 45:2-3

Do you see now why it's so important to fill our hearts and minds with God's words and how vital it is to make His truth the foundation not only for our identity but how we deal with food? The Holy Spirit uses God's words stored up inside us to nudge us, remind us, redirect us, empower us, and lead us on to victory.

If you dedicate this journey to God, He promises the Holy Spirit will be with you every step of the way.