You're Asking Me to Do What?!

So I was asked to do and go somewhere I have never gone before. And you know that feeling when you get when you are going to do something you've never done or you're unsure about?  You get all jittery, nervous, heart racing, have to run to the bathroom and all kinds of craziness!! 
I recently took an "Emotional Intelligence" class.  This is the definitation if you're not sure what I'm talking about:
" The ability to recognize and manage our emotions, thoughts and impulses and to motiviate ourselves, and to accurately perceive and appropriately respond to other's needs and emotions to build effective relationships."
The Core EI Competencies: (in this order)
1. Self- Awareness
2. Self- Regulation
3. Self- Motivation
4. Empathy
5. Effective Relationships

Our thoughts lead to emotions. Emotions lead to behavior. Some behavior is helpful and some is not.

I have an amazing friend, Julia Raglin, who is trained or educated in Fitness in Health. She has her bachelors from CMU.  Anyway, I met her through another friend at church.  She is very beautiful, in shape and an extremely caring person in a genuine way.  Last April she helped me and introduced me to the 24 Day Challenge with Advocare. She measured me and made an exercise plan for me.  I was extremely successful during that time with her.  I decided that since I've had a slow go with my weightloss recently that I needed to consult my friend and her wisdom. So I contacted Julia and asked her about training me and working with me to lose weight.  She was super excited and didn't hesitate to answer YES.  She told me she wanted to meet me at Gale's Gym and we'd start an exercise program and she'd take pictures and my measurements.  You know I was all fine with the measuring and weighing and pics and all. You'd think that I'd be freaked about that. I was excited to have this awesome friend help me but TERRIFIED especially because she mentioned the word...G-Y-M.   I have never been to a Gym and know nothing about those places. In fact, I like to steer clear of them because they contain highly attractive fit people who know all about being in shape.  Its extremely intimidating to me.  But I couldn't tell Julia "No, we're not going to the Gym. We're going to meet at your house or mine."  Which now that I think about it, I didn't even think at that time (and that might have been a good idea!!)  Anyway, instead I said ok and we set dates and times to meet. 

As the day approached for me to meet Julia, I started feeling anxious and those anxious and nervous feelings/emotions were leading to physical behaviors- frequent bathroom breaks, racing heart, jittery legs etc. you get the picture!  I was going to let my emotions and feelings dictate how I was going to engage in a physical act.  And now that I think about it, I can see where I have done that with food.  I have feelings of depression, loneliness, frustration, and so I go and eat food.  Ever been there and done that?  Yeah, me too and it is very defeating because many times, I wasn't really hungry.  I felt like I needed that food but really what I needed to do was either go to bed on time, go for a walk, play the piano or do any activity that would be beneficial to my health and emotions.

So yesterday I was aware of those emotions (Core compentency 1) and then I regulated those emotions by prayer, surrounding myself with truth-God's Word and realistic goals (Core competency 2) and then I motivated myself to go to the Gym by having accountability- Julia (Core Competency 3).    Now the next comptency is Empathy, and I don't feel a need to be empathetic to my state. In fact, what I need is a good kick in the pants to do the right thing. (Which, Julia did!!)  But seriously, Julia has been so empathetic with me regarding my weight. Not telling me its ok, but very encouraging and believing that God has given me all I need to do this battle.  And it's not that I don't know this, but truly, it's amazing to have someone there by your side and encouraging you.  Thanks Julia :)

Here's a beautiful picture of Julia and her family.

Ok, so do you want to know if I made it to the Gym?  I DID!  In fact, I got there at 4:30pm by myself, went to the bathroom and changed into my exercise clothes. Julia got there and did some measurements and took some pics. Then we did upper body work and ab exercises.  We did 15 minutes of cardio on a treadmill WHICH I HAVE NEVER DONE....I had this picture of me falling off the treadmill and hitting my face on the machine on the way down...I'm laughing as I write this and realize how silly this all sounds! LOL!

So I did it!!  Another first for me in my life. I worked out in a Gym. Who would have guessed that I would walk my big butt in the gym and do this?  I feel like I am very aware of the reality of my weight and how big I am.  I know that my value is not in how I look but my health definitely involves my weight being at an appropriate number.  I want to be healthy to live and enjoy this life God has given me. I want to live so that I can completely and passionately serve God and others. I want to take care of myself to honor God and this temple He has given me. And in all honesty, I want to look nice for my husband and be active enough to keep up with him and my kids.

I read something before bed last night that brought tears to my eyes. Its from the book "Made to Crave" by Lysa Terkeurst. * amazing book peoples!! you need to read it!

page 69 (last paragraph) and continue onto page 70

Like many women, I'd struggled with a flawed perception of myself. My sense of identity and worth were dependent on wrong things- my circumstances or my weight or wether I yelled at the kids that day or what other people thought of me. If I sensed I wasn't measuring up, I kicked into either withdrawal mode or fix-it mode. Withdrawal mode made me pull back from relatinoships, fearing other's judgements. I built walls around my heart to keep people at a distance. Fix-it mode made me overanalyze other people's every word and expression looking for way to manipulate their opnions to be more pleasing toward me.  take, for example, the crazy question I asked my husband every time I felt insecure while getting ready in the morning: "Does this make me look fat?" This question had nothing to do with my outfit. It was an attempt to get him to say something, anything to make me feel better about myself. I could maniuplate a compliment but, in the end I still felt so empty.  Both of these are crazy modes to be in.

She goes on to talk about a comment that was made to her during her exercise class and how it didn't rattle her- because she was diligently filling her heart and mind with God's truths and how these truths were protecting her.  She sited this scripture that is powerful and applied it to her situation:

"I will go before you...I (God) knew this comment would be made in exercise class this morning...

and will level the mountains...and that's why the HOly Spirit prompted you to remember these exact verses, even if only faintly,to protect you from what could have been a huge hurt to your heart.

I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron...I will break through the lies that could have imprisoned you and made you doubt your true worth.

I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places...In the most unlikely places I will bless your efforts and reward your perseverance with small indications of your victory.

....so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name"......

I love you, Cherri.  I loved you at 250 pounds. I love you and no number on the scale will ever change that.  I'm not taking you on this journey because I need you to weigh less. I am taking you on this journey because I desire for you to be healthy in every sense of the word. I know your name, Cherri. Now, rest in the security of My name and all that it means to your identity. 

 Isaiah 45:2-3

Do you see now why it's so important to fill our hearts and minds with God's words and how vital it is to make His truth the foundation not only for our identity but how we deal with food? The Holy Spirit uses God's words stored up inside us to nudge us, remind us, redirect us, empower us, and lead us on to victory.

If you dedicate this journey to God, He promises the Holy Spirit will be with you every step of the way.