Day 5 went a lot smoother emotionally, mentally and physically. Monday morning I woke up with a dull headache but it went away by 10am. My main accomplishment on Day 5 was that I went 2.37 miles in 45 minutes. Julia gave me a goal to walk 3 miles in 45 minutes. When I walked the first day and saw my stats I was like there is NO WAY I can even come close to 3 miles in 45 minutes. But as the days go on and I keep building my stamina and strength, I believe that it is possible. I am working hard to meet that goal in 2 weeks but if I dont, and if it takes 3 weeks or even 4, I'M GOING TO DO IT. But right now, I'm not thinking that. Im striving to reach that goal in 2 weeks.
I had someone ask me what I was training for yesterday. I guess I'm training "for life". Training to lose the weight so that I can actually live and do activities that I normally would have said no way to. One day I'm going to do a weekend hike. One day I'll go kayaking down a river or on one of Michigan's Lake Shores. One day I'll be able to rock climb with Cornelius.
The other thing I thought of was when Julia told me "By end of summer you could run a 5K with me." And in my mind I thought "Oh, that's so nice of her to think I can do that. But there is no way. I'm not a runner and I'm too big." But each day I walk and do my strength exercises, I feel more confident and believe that it's possible.....possible that one day I can run a 5K. I've never run more than 1 mile in my whole life and right now, walking is kicking my butt. But it FEELS GOOD. It feels good to walk and pump my heart and see my girls enjoying it with me. Last night at the end of my walk, I decided to jog to the end. Becca was cheering me on "Go mommy! GO! You can do it!" At first I was like "Be quiet. This is really hard for mommy." That was stupid. And why did I think that? Why did I not want her to cheer me on? Because I'm afraid that I'll disappoint her or fail. Its hard to be vunerable and put yourself out there when you are working on an area in your life that just seems like a fight every day. But I'm learning a valuable lesson in this. That I can't do this alone. That God didn't intend me or anyone to fight battles alone. That He called us to be His and to lean in on His strength and the strength of others. To trust that He's the one strengthening you and building "your inner man".
Towards the end of my walk, Cornelius was way ahead of me and I felt this tinge of sadness and loneliness- I don't know why but I did. Then I started to say a familiar scripture by memory, Psalm 23. It was the only one that I could do my memory and then I wished that I had more scriptures by memory to focus on. After I said that Psalm a few times I started to pray. I just confessed to God how I needed His help and that I believed He could carry me through this challenge and battle in my life and that I would see it to the finish- "He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it." Phil. 1:6
So its the beginning of day 6 and I feel stronger and excited about what I'm going to be able to do by the end of summer. Excited to see where this new chapter in my life leads me...who knows!! But God does and I trust Him.
No comments:
Post a Comment