I Cannot Lie!

I was planning on doing this Vestaburg Community Days 5K for awhile now. It was in my home town and I knew I'd run into people I know. I had hoped we could do it as a family but as the weekend approached, with all the craziness of the week before and how I was feeling physically, I just didn't have the umph to make it happen. And even the Friday night before, I fell asleep on the couch before my bed time because I just didn't feel good. I had a cough and sore throat and drainage. So I thought to myself "Its no big deal if I don't do the 5K."  But there is this whole thing about FOLLOWING THROUGH and doing what you you said you were going to do.  So around 11:30pm I got up and set out my 5K clothes and shoes.  I was ready and there was no excuse now.  I got up around 7:30am and left the house by 8am to go and register and be ready for the 8:30am start time.  I saw the group of ladies who work out in the mornings at the highschool gym. I think there is a group of 10 of them.  I saw an old neighbor. I saw the older lady who I think walks in every 5K she can.  She is a demon speed walker- seriously, she walks faster than I can run/walk/jog.  I remember seeing her last  year at the 5K and then saw her at the Maple Festival 5K.  She's amazing and I went up to her and told her so.  It meant alot to her and we both gave best wishes for the race to eachother. 

I was alone at this 5K which was fine. I told myself it was going to be like any other day when I go out and walk/jog.  The course was well marked. The weather was warm and muggy and sunny but tolerable.  And really, the course was quite pretty.  Some on the paved roads and some on dirt roads.  It was when I got to 2 miles that my right ankle sorta gave out and I felt like I twisted it.  I couldn't jog/run anymore.  I had to walk because it hurt. Two ladies walking behind me passed me and asked if I was ok. I told them that if they didn't see me cross the finish line, to send someone to pick me up. And off they went.  I thought to myself that I had to keep up with them.  They were really walking fast.  So at that point I knew that I wasn't going to be setting any personal best record, it was all about FINISHING it and FOLLOWING THROUGH.  And as I finally got onto the track to finish the race, a few ladies really cheered me on and ran with me when I finished it.  My hubby and kids came too to see me finish. I was so glad that they came out.  Little Jaelle said "Mommy you run!"  Jaelle then started running and said "I run!"  It was very cute and probably helped me to feel betterbut in all honesty...........

I CANNOT LIE.....I am going to be totally honest and tell you how I felt after my 5K Saturday morning. I didn't feel that runner's high or this great acheivment.  I didn't feel like I was so amazing.  In fact, after I was in the truck with the family and we were driving to Home Depot to get some things for the house, I totally let it slip out loud to Cornelius how I felt.  I told him this:
"You know what?  I really don't like doing 5Ks.  And I don't do them because they make me feel good. In fact, I am always depressed after I do one.  I don't get that runners high or feel all happy.  What I feel or think is "Wow.  How did I let myself get this bad that I can't hardly run?"  I feel like I see the reality of how bad my health has gotten from neglect and just accepting my being overweight."

So there it is. I said it.  I am not going to tell you that I had all these fuzzy warm feelings after I completed my 5K on Saturday. I'm not going to tell you that I felt great.  I'm going to tell you that the reason I choose to do 5Ks is so that I can keep in front of me the reality of my fitness and health.  Now, did I feel like I am stronger and have more endurance? You betcha!  Is there noteable difference in my overall  health?  Yes!  I noticed just the other day coming up the stairs that I wasn't winded or felt like it was a long way up.  I used to feel that way.  AND, after the 5K, I didn't go out and eat bad food. I had a protein shake and ate a grilled chicken wrap which is a big victory. Noramlly I would feel like I need to "reward myself" with junk food for working so hard.  And that afternoon when I got home, I weeded our garden for like 2 hours. I was a brute!  I didn't even feel tired.  I was thirsty but not physically tired. 

Oh friends, every day is a day for me to commit to the Lord. Every day is a day to seek His strength and His peace of mind as I walk this journey.  Some days are easier than others. Some days seem really awesome.  And some days are just blah. I want to always be positive and uplifting but that wouldn't be right of me because I would be faking it and lying - because some days are plain hard. 
Today is a day that I turn to this scripture:

Hebrews 4:14-16 MSG

 Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let’s not let it slip through our fingers. We don’t have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let’s walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help.

During the 5K Saturday, on my GPS/Mapmyrun, when I hit 3.1 miles I was at 43 minutes and some seconds.  But the course wasn't over and so I ended up taking alot longer and my time wasn't anything to boast about.  It was quite discouraging to be frank. And honestly, I could have finished better if I hadn't had twisted my ankle or was coughing up a lung with my cold. My time seriously could have been better. But I can't live with "could have or should haves".  I have to accept the reality of this run and move on. 
And it does make me move on. I want to be able to run a 30 minute 5K....it almost seems impossible sometimes. But if I work at it and I accept God's help, and allow Him to strengthen me emotionally, mentally and spiritually, then I know that I can reach that goal with His help. He's been through all testings and it experienced it all- so why can't He help me with this?

I keep pressing on.  I promise to keep being honest with myself and my heart, even if it is painful. And I'm so thankful for a merciful and gracious Heavenly Father who helps me in my weakness.  Amen.

http://vestaburg5k.weebly.com/results.html