What's Your Egypt?

I don't know what it is- but I have been super emotional. And not just emotional- I might even say "depressed."  Every day I keep working out at least 40 minutes and some days even 80 minutes working out. I keep faithful keeping track of my food and calories.  And you'd think the weight would be falling off. Nope. People tell me I look "firmer" or that my face is thinner.  And you hear over and over "don't focus on the numbers on the scale".  But you know what?  When you are a big person, the numbers sorta matter.  Because they tell you whether what you are doing is working.  One positive thing going on for me is that I do know that I'm getting stronger and have more stamina. The fit tests we do with Insanity are such a good measure because each time I do it, I am doing more reps.  So I have that going for me at least.

Last night I went on a walk/jog with my sister Gina and Abby came along too.  Abby helped me push Jaelle in her stroller. Poor Jaelle had been so sick yesterday. She threw up in the morning and then had diarrhea all day.  I thought getting out in the fresh air and sun would do her some good. She was all relaxed and smiley in her stroller. She even sang a little.  Anyway, Gina took off running. She actually did her 3.1 miles in 35 minutes. It took me 45 minutes.  Abby could tell I was discouraged and said, "Don't worry mom. You burn just as many calories walking as you do running."  She is so sweet.  I know she could have run that with Gina but she chose to walk  and jog it with me. 

I was so discouraged last night. I even ate 1 cup of icecream. I told Becca to measure out a cup of icecream for me.  I know I did it because I was feeling  bummed, not because I really wanted to eat it.  Jaelle fell asleep by 9pm.  Abby and Becca put themselves to bed last night. I went down to kiss good night and pray with them but they were sleeping by 9:30pm too.  I had soaked in the tub for 15 minutes to help my sore muscles. I called Cornelius around 9:45pm.  He's gone for 2 weeks in Gaylord for work. I told Cornelius how discouraged I was. He told me to not compare myself. He told me I'm doing good and that he's proud of me. He told me to keep at it.  I started crying.....yep.  We said goodnight and I went to bed after I read a few chapters from "Made To Crave".

This morning, my dad sent me an email with this verse:

-          Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today.  The ‘Egyptians’ you see today you will never see again.  The Lord will fight for you;  you need only to be still.”  (Exodus 14:13-14)

I needed a verse to set me straight. I'm afraid I'm going to fail.  But I need to stand firm and faithful and see God deliver me. The Egypt in my life has been what people think of me and bondage to food- God will deliver me from what has held me in bondage just like he delivered the Israelites from slavery under the Egyptians. GOD WILL FIGHT FOR ME WHEN I FEEL LIKE I CAN'T FIGHT ANYMORE. I need to be still (not like a couch potato! but still in that I am trusting Him) and know that God is there and will be there always.

- "I look behind me and you're there, then up haed and you're there, too- your reassuring presence, coming and going. This is too much, too wonderful-I can't take it all in."

    Psalm 139:5-6 MSG

What is the Egpyt in your life?  Is it fear? Is it food or money?  What is holding your captive or in bondage? Did you know that God is in the business of delivering you from your struggle? He is totally capable of saving you from what holds you down or keeps you from living a fulfilled life.  God conquered death. He raised Lazarus from the dead. He was crucified and rose again. He walked on water. He fed thousands and healed the sick.  GOD CAN MOVE MOUNTAINS and He can move your mountain.

I think that today I am confessing that my Egypt is fear. Fear of failing. Fear of what people think of me.  I don't want to be controlled by fear or worrying about what people think of me. Its depressing.  And it keeps me focused on the wrong things.

Let God take that Egypt from you.  Let Him free you.  I truly don't want to be like the Israelites, in the wilderness because they wouldn't listen and trust Him. 

SO FREE ME JESUS!! I CONFESS MY FEAR AND WORRY OF WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF ME. Help me to not make an idol out of exercising or what I'm doing.  I keep my eyes focused on You who is the beginging and the end.  And you'll see me finish that finish line this Saturday when I complete my first 5k.  For your glory God, not mine. :)  In Jesus Name, Amen.