Hidden Power of Praise

Below I wrote what I decided to share on for the little workshop I’m leading at the Women’s Retreat at Grace Adventures.  Pray for me because I’m nervous- "You? Nervous?"  Yep. I don’t feel like I'm an expert or that I'm super educated in the matter.  But I do feel like I have “learned” and “experienced” this in my own personal life and want to share from my heart. 

So if there were still openings at Grace Adventures for this Women's Retreat, would you come? http://www.graceadventures.org/

I'm leading worship at the women's retreat for weekends September 27-28th and October 4-6th.  This was the first year they asked me to speak at one of the break-outs/workshop.  I struggled with what to do or say or talk about- I know they wanted something about worship, but I didn't want it to be cliche' or just same ol' same ol'.  I want it to be LIFE CHANGING cause God is in the business of changing lives!  And especially when it involves singing/music, it's pretty amazing and we truly have not comprehended how powerful worship and praise is and should be in our own lives.

So I'm asking my friends and family to pray for me as I prepare for these weekends.  Pray for the speakers. That we would be instruments that God's spirit and presence flow through. That nothing would hinder the plans of God for that weekend. And I ask that you pray for my sister Gina and my friend Elissa who will be joining me that weekend in leading the worship.  I think this is our 3rd year back. Maybe its our 4rth year back BUT its the first time they have asked us to do the worship for 2 weekends instead of just one. 

I want to be connected to the throne of God so that I can totally be free to flow in His power, presence and let His heart speak to all the women that come.

"And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. And I will be found of you, saith the Lord." Jeremiah 29:13-14 KJV 

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Workshop Title:  “Life Changing Worship”

Description:

We were born to worship God.  Every time we praise who He is, it unleashes His life changing power in our lives. It is impossible to touch the presence of God and there not be change!

In this class we will discuss what worship is, how God intended it to be utilized in our lives and also discover HIDDEN POWER in PRAISE and WORSHIP.

Come ready to expand your view of worship and discover how praise is the prayer that changes everything!

When Running Blind is Good

So a new chapter has begun in my life.  It seems like things change up in my life quite a bit especially since I dedicated myself to getting healthy and submitted myself to acts of physical cruelity!  Haha!  No really,
this new chapter that started effective September 3rd happened because my friend and trainer, Julia Raglin, told me she wasn't renewing her membership at Gale's Gym and that she was going to be working on her life dream of opening her own gym.  Which by the way, is FANTASTIC! I'm so proud and very happy that Julia is taking the plunge and pursuing this life dream.  Every person should not only pursue but actually DO their life dream.  But what that meant was that I was losing this friend who worked out with me, challenged me and truly walked with me from the start of this health journey since April 2012.  I knew I couldn't go to meet Julia at  her house or new gym because it was too long a drive and working 40 hours a week, I didn't want to add more time away from my family.  So I had to make a choice. I had to make a choice that either I was going to 1. continue without Julia on my own or 2. stop working out because it was just too much for me to handle or do right now.

I chose the right choice.  I had to CONTINUE on this health journey without Julia.  I had to pull on my big girl pannies and really do this.  But I didn't want to do this on my own.  I love working out with a buddy.  Not because I want to have these deep conversations while we're working out (because really, I couldn't do that without gasping for breath after each sentence) but more because it feels right- plain and simple.  We weren't meant to do everything alone. When I'm working out with a buddy or a group, there's this sence of oneness, unity and power. 

So I decided to reach out to a group of ladies that I knew were working out in my home town of Vestaburg and connect with them.  Last time I met up with them, I could totally see that I was no where near as in shape as they were. They were at a different level. And to be honest, I decided that I didn't want to be a tag along and drag them down because I was so slow or so out of breath/shape.  That is when I got connected again with Julia and we did the 3 months in the gym and she pushed me. And I truly belieave that if it wasn't for that time at the gym this summer, I wouldn't be able to workout now with these ladies at Vestaburg.  So I "REACHED OUT" to one of the girls that I new was doing these workouts with the group of ladies at Vestaburg gym.  And I was welcomed with open arms. I started 5am Tuesday September 3rd.  And that first day with them I knew that this was where I was supposed to be and that God continues to lead me each day and leads me to the right people and places for the things that I need to keep me going and growing in my health.

Here is where a new lesson begins for me and maybe you too- on Tuesday, when I arrived at 5am, I wasn't sure what we were going to do. I remember that they did do some lap running in the gym this past spring when the weather was cold and so I thought maybe we'd do that with some weight training.  I just didn't know. When I arrived at 5am at the gym, the ladies said we were going to go running.  I was like "ok, that will be nice on this cool morning."  I didn't think to ask how far or what. For some reason I just felt pretty excited to be there and see what was going to happen.  One of the girls said "lets just run a few blocks". No one said no or laugh so I thought "Ok, i can do a few blocks and that will get us warmed up for what we're going to do."  So off we went. I put on my Mapmyrun to track myself.  I am a slow pace runner and I know these ladies are pretty quick but I kept up with their tempo. We were talking and everything seemed good. But then I realized and starting thinking, umm, they are going more than a few blocks here.  We got to a mile and my Mapmyrun says "Total distance: 1 mile Total time: 11 minutes and 44 secounds." and I was like WHAT?!  That is my best mile.  We kept going and I started slowing down and needed to walk. A couple of the girls stopped with me and I felt real bad and told them to keep running with out me. But they didn't listen. They stuck it out with me and walked with me and then jogged when I started and walked again when I walked.  We finished 1.8 miles in 22 minutes and some secounds.  Seriously, my best time for that distance!!  After that run the ladies and I did some street workout and I can talk about that in a later blog.  But I want to get back to the whole time and running thing.

I told Cornelius that there was something about me not knowing how far I was going to run.  It was like I was blind. I didn't know their path they would take. I didn't know their pace.  Everything was like I was blind folded and was out there giving it my best.  I felt more relaxed that first 3/4 mile. I wasn't thinking "this is going to be hard for me." or "Maybe I should go slower at first so that I can keep running or keep up with them."  I was amazed how "running blind" truly did not cripple me. In fact, it enabled me.   I was enabled to do better than what I thought I could do.  And I've found that when I'm being timed to do a plank or timed to do something, if I'm not actually looking at the clock, I see or find that I do better.

Becca and I read a devotional a few nights ago about the woman who wrote thousands of Hymns like "To God Be the Glory" and some other great ones.  I didn't realize that the writer of those hymns was blind. She was blind since a sickness took her sight around the age of 6 months.  They talked about how she had this joy and never was detered from doing the things the other kids did. She honestly felt sorry for those that could see.  She writes a statement about how she would never wish her blindness away.  This woman jumped fences, played rough with the kids, all while she was blind.  Her blindness did not cripple her.  It enabled her to see in a new way. To see no limits.  She didn't put boundaries on what she could or could not do.

Running blind is like totally trusting God. We don't see the whole picture of our lives. We don't see what is going to happen tomorrow. But we trust Him who holds my life in His hand. We trust that He is guiding us, caring for us, directing us down the right path. That He has enabled me to do more than what I can think or imagine. And when I run blind to God and trust that "he's got this", there really is peace. I feel more relaxed. I can trust that HE SEES and that HIS SIGHT is BETTER THAN MINE.

We need to be blind sometimes so that we can rely on Him and His thoughts of what we can do. And that truly is all I have to say today.  It's been a glorious week. I love that school as started. We all are back into a routine in our household and I love it.  And working out in the mornings just works out for my family too because I have my whole evening after work for them.

Emily Dove, one of my new workout buddies, posted this on her facebook page and I love it......I WILL.....

I will continue to keep you posted on the things we're doing because the workouts have seriously been KICK-BUTT awesome. I will continue to share pictures of my adorable family and life in general.  And I will continue to be real and honest in all that I do and experience becase one of my heart desires is to be "authentic" in my faith walk and that God would shine through me to show His love for everyone I meet.

HAPPY FRIDAY FRIENDS!!
 

WHAT THE SCALE DOESN'T TELL

So Monday morning I weighed in at work with my weight loss buddy.  We started a month ago a challenge to lose weight and were competing against another county office.  During this past month the scale has gone up and down. And I have to confess that I compared my scale at home to the one we were using at work and it was slightly lower (I liked mine better).  Overall I figured that I lost 2 pounds. But Monday, our last day to weight in, it said I gained 1 pound.  So then that meant I gained 3 pounds?!  Oh for goodness sake Cherri!!  Get a Grip!  So I went back and looked at what Julia's measurements said about me (we measured last week).  I LOST 2.5 inches in ONE MONTH!!  Crazy!  So even though the scale said one thing, my body measurements were down.  That is something the scale just doesn't tell you people- it doesn't give you the whole picture.

The other thing that happened is my running this week. I was able to complete 1.55 miles in 20 minutes flat!!  Big deal for me!! I still can't run all the way, but I have a good running stretch, keep my pace up while I walk and then jog again. Cornelius I were talking how last year I couldn't walk at a pace faster than 3.5-3.8. I remember that it was like killer. This walk/jog that I did on August 27th I was able to walk at a pace of 4.3 according to my fitness app and jog/run at a 5.1 pace comfortably.  BIG DEAL!! Happy Dance!  For me it is progress and I'm always looking for areas of visiable progress because I am so insecure and that insecurity can bog me down.

Sunday afternoon I sang at my friends Baptism at Crystal Lake. It was a private gathering of friends and family and such a beautiful day out.  She asked me to sing "Redeemed" by Big Daddy Weave. When I heard the story behind his song, it really brought tears to my eyes and I connected deeply with it. Mike Weave talks about the story behind his song. His struggle with personal acceptance, insecurity, feeling unworthy and haunted by what or how he saw himself. He was in his garage when he had a literal "visit" with God's presence and His words. God told him- let me show you how I SEE YOU. God redefined what humility was for him. He thought that humility was about this self depricating thing. BUT God showed him what REAL humilty was- simply agreeing with whatever HE, God says. He says that I am a child of God, I have been ransomed by His blood and I am redeemed!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzGAYNKDyIU

I share this because I can so relate to Mike Weave's story and maybe you too can relate.  I have struggled with my image and loving myself since I was a little girl, 8 years old. I can remember that day so clearly when I was told I was fat.....and treated as "less than".  For some reason, that stuck with me. I remember that terrible painful event lead to my first life lesson- to look past the exterior and into the heart of an individual. Grandma asked me "why do you think that girl said that to you Cherri?" All I remember thinking or telling grandma was "Because she's mean grandma! She's a very mean girl."  But that is when grandma told me to look past her words and exterior and see her heart. She told me "Often people who speak hurtful words, are hurting themselves."  I thank God for a grandma who taught me that life lesson- God judges not on man's outward appearance, but on their heart.  And God sees every man's heart. He sees the pain the chains, the bondage. I have so often struggled with the bondage of insecurity and feeling "less than" because of how I looked. Because I was fat, I needed to compensate that with other things. So I worked hard at being socially and emotionally excellent. I worked hard at my studies. I worked hard and worried about being "accepted".  The bondage of wanting to be accepted by everyone is a terrible one- because you are putting others before God.  The bondage of worrying.....so then Monday I read this for my Bible reading:

Matthew 6:25-34 (The Message)

^25-26 “If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don’t fuss about what’s on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.
^27-29 “Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.
^30-33 “If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
³⁴ “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.


Monday I was worrying about all kinds of things.
1. My weight and how I look
2. My time- not having enough time for my family, my kids and me
3. My house- It needs work and I want it to look nicer and be updated with new furniture (blah blah blah)
4. Money- money because there are extra things that come up like school shopping, fixing the water heater, putting new breaks on the van and the list adds up.
5. My job- wishing I was doing something else but feeling stuck with the State because it pays SO GOOD and how could I give up a job like this?!  
6. My life call- am I not listening to God because I'm more worried about MY IMAGE, MY HOUSE, MY MONEY than I am about following Him and doing whatever He asks or has for me. Am I missing out on huge blessings by giving it all up to follow Him whole heartedly?

And notice how I listed everything has MINE and MY....seriously Cherri?  This isn't about you! 

I guess I'm off the whole weightloss track right now. But if only you knew all the things that rattled in my brain day in and day out. :) 

After writing all this I just want you all to know that the scale, or your image or your money and what you do or don't have does not define you.  GOD defines who you are.  God says
1. You are loved
2. You are His
3. You were created with a purpose
4. You are able to do more than you can possible imagine!
5. You are created in Christ Jesus to do Good works
6. You are accepted just because You are a Child of the King, created in His image
7. You are beautiful, the apple of His eye
8. You are not alone
9. You are His light in this world
10. You are redeemed- rescued/forgiven because of what Jesus did for you! (we dont have to earn it!)

The list goes on and on!

And one more picture to end this blog today. 

This Pictures Says it All

When I haven't written in awhile, you know its because I've been living. Life has been good and busy and full of wonderful things.  After my 14th anniversary on August 7th we left August 8th for the Bornman family reunion.  We hosted it in Michigan this year. Family from all over came.  This reunion is special not only because of the people that come, but because we only do this every 5 years.  We were together for 4 glorious night and 5 days.  Upon returning we've had this whirlwind of activity.  Nothing fancy- just enjoying the last few weeks of summer before school starts.  We been eating produce from our garden and picking fruit from the fruit trees. Its just been very wonderful. I have SO MANY PICTURES that I'm not sure I could upload them all. Seriously, we took like 300 some pictures at the reunion between my nephew and myself.  And then there have been those days at home where I've taken the cutest pics ever of my girls- they get cuter all the time!  Anyway, I will upload those soon so I can share my visual treasures with you.

But, today is not that day.  Today I'm sharing a picture that my friend Julia sent me privately on facebook and this picture says it all to me right now. Most the time you want to be private and not share or talk about things you're going through that are difficult or hard. But for some reason, this journey with my health and weight loss has been different.  I am not afraid to share the details. The times I cry. The moments I have felt ashamed or defeated or even depressed. I think its because when you've been bound by something so long, and realize that it has crippled or bound you, then you want to be rid of it. It's almost freeing in fact.  Its like I have been in prison, and all of a sudden I'm out. I'm free. Now what? I can either go on with life and do the right thing or choose the things in life that put me in prison.  So has my being overweight been like a prison?  In some ways yes!  I was bound by lies that kept me thinking it was ok for me to be overweight. That I would always be fat. That I wasn't able to lose the weight. That my being fat was my lot in life.  That eating food should be pleasurable. That its meant to fulfill me and make me feel better. 

And those lies lead me to feeling weak, defeated, extremely insecure, depressed and literally physically ill.  The more weight I put on, the more struggles with my insulin sugar levels in my body and with my organs such as my heart and kidneys.  Emotionally I was bound by my emotions that kept me from being who God wants me to be- a whole individual who realizes that I am strong and that God has given me the ability to do things I never thought I could do!

So here I am today, looking at this picture and thinking "I'm doing it! I'm actually making visible progress!"  Sometimes when you see yourself every day and because you're your worst critic, you don't or can't see the progress. And I thank God for my friend Julia who gives me concrete evidence with pictures or with inches lost and increased reps or increased pounds on my weight training. Those are measurable things that show me that I'm on the right track.

 

Sometimes I feel vain focusing in on my weight and on my health all the time.  But that is where I'm at and where God is teaching my simple things that truly matter.

 

Here are a few little simple things I've learned on this journey:

(these are things I've learned personally and are not necessarily for everyone else to learn!)

 

1. Just start- start exercising and eating right and don't stop.

2. Find someone to walk along side of you during your health journey. You're going to need someone to push you. Someone to encourage you and someone to tell you you're on track.  That buddy is someone you can totally be vulnerable with and not hold anything back. 

3. You can't do this alone. God didn't intend for us to be lone rangers. We are called to live in community, to bear each others burdens and to spur each other on towards good deeds that honor God.

4. When you think you're hungry, drink some water. Many times I've found that I was not hungry but just thirsty.

5. Food is not for entertainment purposes or for making me feel better. Food was made to fuel my body.  Now food can be a method in which I can entertain and show hospitality. But foods sole purpose is to nourish my body and keep me strong for God's work and purpose while I live on this earth.

6. Don't starve yourself! I've have found that eating too few calories can actually harm you and not do good. That isn't a license to go and eat whatever. But to make sure I eat calories that are full of nutrients and that actually fill me up. "Empty calories" is what makes me crave and want to eat more. Empty calories are foods that are low calorie but not really nutritious or filling.

7. I am stronger than what I realize. Its so easy to be bound by my insecurity and false opinion/image of myself.  It has taken people in my life to show me that I am those wrong feelings and images of myself control what I can really do.

8. The truth shall set you free!!  (truth about food, truth about health, truth about who I am in Christ Jesus- I could do a whole blog on this topic)

9. True beauty is within - and it is, but your health is within and will radiate if you take care of yourself.

10. I'm still learning to love myself and believe in myself....its like a constant battle. This battle of the mind which God talks about in the Bible.

11. Find someone who knows more than you about what you're learning about and submit to their teaching.  I have found that its hard for people to admit that they don't know it all. Or that they are wrong. They want to hold on to what they think is right.  Well guess what buttercup?  You're not always right and it takes a strong person to admit that what you're doing isn't working.  When you come to an end of yourself, you'll lay down your pride, let someone in and let them scrutinize and analyze and work on you, that's when great things can happen in your life.  That's how we need to be with God too!

12. I can not imagine doing this without God. Because there have been times that my will power or own strength is not enough or strong enough, but His power can be revealed through me when I come to Him. His Spirit enables me to keep doing this.  Its hard for us physical beings to understand this. But its His Spirit in us that gives life and strength and direction. Without His Spirit, whom we receive when we believe and follow Him, that will enable me to do above what I can imagine.  All this is another topic that I could blog on too!

13.....seems like I'm forgetting something. I'm sure I'll think or remember more when I'm done with this blog tonight. What's so wonderful is that its ok if I haven't written down what all I think I've learned. Because I'm continually learning!!!

 

Oh dear friends, let us not give up hope. And I'm saying this to myself because I so easily can lose hope or feel discouraged. Instead I want to choose a heart full of hope and assurance that I am in His grip and that God has me and will give me all that I need TO DO THIS and to remain steadfast.  And not only steadfast, but with a grateful and thankful heart full of praises for all that He's doing in my life.

 

My Prayer

Thank you God for saving my life! Not only my soul, but my physical body too. May my life be a testament of You living in me.  Shine Jesus in me so that all may see that God is real and that His love and plan for my life is bigger and better than what I have in mind. This is just the beginning of more journeys and life lessons and I want to anticipate with joy all that is yet to come.  I'm thankful that You have blessed me and given me treasures in my family and in the gifts you've given me to use on earth.  I love you and pray these things in your name, Amen.

 

 

 

14th Wedding Anniversary

“14 years ago today on a rainy day (such as today), I married the man who has shown me nothing but unconditional, patient, sacrificial love. He has kept his vows to me when he said "I will teach our children about Jesus and want to grow old with you holding your hands...." and he said a few more things but those words stick out the most. He's been that Spiritual leader of our home, true companion through my ups and downs and an amazing father. God has blessed me and today I am reminded again on that rainy day 14 years ago that I would have "showers of blessings" in my marriage. To many more years and believing that our adventure together has only begun!!”

Over a Hump

August is out with a good start. August 1st I had a doctor appointment at 1pm. I left work early and picked up Abby and Becca on the way to the doctor. I lost 4 pounds since my last doctor appointment a month ago. And I was on my period and so I knew in my mind that it would have been even more pounds lost if I wasn't bloated but who cares- I lost. And that scale has been stuck for awhile. The doctor was so pleased with my progress. She told me that we can wait for me to return. I mentioned the S word- SURGERY. And she just looked at me like I was crazy. She encouraged me and told me to keep at it. And that I'm older, I've had kids and I'm making gains in my health which is most important.
Afterwards we headed for pedicures.  It was the girls first time getting pedicures. Abby loved the massaging chairs and almost fell asleep. Becca was super ticklish and laughed/giggled while they worked on her feet.  Here's cute pic of my sweet girls getting a pedicure for the first time.

I got a UTI infection and ended up not working out that last week in August. But it turned out ok. I started fresh and went yesterday and today. I did my best work out yesterday. I did a few things that I wasn't able to do before. I was able to do the inclined sit ups- 10 of them!  I couldn't even do one when we started!!  WHOOP!! WHOOP!! And then I did these knee pull up things. You're sitting on your elbows dangling and then pull up your knees to your chest. I did like 15 of them. I couldn't hardly do 3 when we first started working out and it hurt my shoulders so bad because I could hardly hold up my weight.  Completely proud of myself.  THEN, there was this kid in the gym. I don't know. Maybe he's 20. He's red haired and freckled. I could see him lifting/pulling like 200lbs on this machine and I was like "What? That kid probably don't even weigh 200 pounds." SO I walked over to him and tapped him on the shoulder (he was wearing headphones), he looked up at me sorta like "what?" and then I asked "Do you even weigh as much as your lifting?" And he smiled and said "I'm just warming up."  So I sat down at the machine kiddy corner from him and said "I'm going to lift at least 150 pounds." So I did. Then I said "I'm going to lift the same as you, 200lbs, at least 5 times." And the kid smiled and was super nice and said "Just make sure you're pinching in your shoulder blades cause that is where you want to feel it with these."  So I did- I did 200lbs 5 times. And the owner of the gym came over and said to me and that boy "Hey, I just want you to know Cherri that the machine you're using is more difficult and the weights are heavier." And I made this wink/smile at the boy and he laughed. Anyways, it was a super fun night. And I did the plank like 2 times without hardly resting in between.  It was a crazy hard workout and MAN, was I sore this morning. BUT IT FELT GOOD and I feel strong.  I told Cornelius last night before bed, "I am getting strong. And I am going to lose this fat." He told me "I know you are"  We were examining my arm and shoulder muscles. My arms have definitely lost the most inches and their toning and firm.  Its exciting to see results not only physically, but to see results in your workout and see that you're physically able to do more than when you started-it feels so good and empowering.

Sometimes I feel bad for thinking and talking and writing so much about working out. I should be talking about deeper things. But seriously, this is where I'm at. Working at getting this body strong and healthy. Losing weight so that I can live and be an example to my children to be active.

Today, the family came with me to the gym. I worked out with Julia and they went on the Heartland trail. When they got back I was done working out. I did my cardio before Julia got there. And the mile is getting a little easier. I was able to do it in 12 minutes 40 seconds and I didn't feel like I was pushing myself. I could have pushed more to have a quicker pace. But I did a good pace and walked only 3 minutes of that 12 minute mile.

I met an amazing woman at the gym a week or so ago. Her name is Andrea. She was prego with her first baby. She came to work out that Friday night at the gym and was getting induced at midnight that night!!  She was super in shape and did running and weight lifting that night. She was very inspirational and encouraging. She recommended a blog/facebook site for running moms. When we talked about her health, she had some serious issues with her body during her pregnancy- something with her hips. But she told me that working out helped her with the pain. She also did her best 5K of 22 minutes!  She told me that her doctor wanted her to come to every OB appointment he had to show women that pregnancy is not a disability and to keep being active. Anyway, I was inspired to keep working at it- no matter what stage of life you are in, its always important to stay in shape.

 

Andrea was smart. She consulted with her doctor regarding her health/exercise regimen while pregnant. She wore a heart monitor while exercising and a prego belt support around her belly. She is a nurse and is doing her doctorate in Women's Health. 

 

Tonight as I sit here writing, I'm thankful for a family that supports me. A family that loves me and a family that believes in me.  I've lost a few more pounds and feel like I'm OVER THE HUMP and reaching new ground in my weight loss. Hoping that we're on track to start losing more weight!

 

 

Pep Talk from Corn and Weightloss pictures

So last night I had a break down- not sure if it was because I'm sick with a urinary tract infection or because I just started my cycle (those are 2 potent reasons for my little crying spell last night!)
I laid in bed and just poured my heart out to Cornelius. He just listened. But I was feeling like all the work I put into my eating and exercising just seems to be SO MINIMAL with my results.  Just little results and I told him "people have to look at me and think "This is a joke. She doesn't even see that she's working hard for nothing."  And I just felt like my lot in life is so ufair. And I explained in detail how all throughout the day I deny self or I say no to something because I know its just added fat and sugar. For example, I'm at work and I have one plate of picnic food from our work picnic.  I did eat a small serving of dessert but I so could have had MORE.  Everyone else was.  And I just had to tell myself, "No, you can have your fruit and yogart snack later." And then I was in town and I really wanted to eat a burger and fries. Especially since I'm since and started my cycle, it doesn't matter if I eat those extra calories because I always gain water weight on my period anyways.  But instead, while I was waiting to pick up my meds from the pharmacy, I ate a berry chicken salad instead with a glass of water.  Then I thought, "Well, it wouldn't hurt to get some icecream since I ate a good supper."  But I talked myself out of that too.  Instead, when I got home, Cornelius and the girls were ready to go for a jog down the Heartland trail. We threw the girls bikes and Jaelle's stroller in the back of the truck and away we went. This was my turn to push the stroller. Cornelius wanted to see how fast he could run tonight without Jaelle.  He did 4 miles in 33 minutes!!  One of his best times! Jaelle and I did a mile together. That little girl is going to be a runner. I believe it.

Jaelle asked to get out of the stroller and then said "Lets go mommy! Let's run!"  She actually was running quite fast and I was surprised how far and fast she was running! 

Anyways, it was a good evening with my family even with getting home late from Urgent Care with a urinary tract infection and I think I showed some serious dedication to get exercise even with how I was feeling.

All this to say that as I lay in bed crying, feeling like I work so hard for hardly any progress- I contemplated and told Cornelius that I was thinking about surgery- yep, I said the word- SURGERY.  The kind where they go in and do crazy stuff to help you lose fat fast. It totally scares me and I really don't want to but with just losing 12 pounds since April and a total of 10 inches, you'd think I'd lose more with all the work I put into this.  And the moaning and groaning continued for a few more minutes and I started to drift to sleep.......then I asked half asleep to Cornelius "Are you asleep?" He answers "no."  "Do you have anything to say about all this?"

"Cherri, little things add up.  Every little pound or inch adds up in the long run.  And God says when we're faithful with little, then he'll entrust us with much."  I shed a few more tears because I KNOW HE'S RIGHT.  And its not an issue of wanting to give up, but an issue of wanting God to honor all my hard work with BIG RESULTS.

So do I feel amazing this morning. Not really.  Do I want to give up? No.  Do I like exercising? Yes, actually I feel good and I love seeing my family doing it along side me too. And man is my husband so supportive. He doesn't tell me what to do, or how to do it. He doesn't ask me how much I've lost or anything like that. He supports me in that he's doing this whole thing along side me and he tells me he's proud of me. He hugs me when I need a hug, he wipes a tear when I need my tears wiped and he's there when I run or complete that 5K.  And that is what I need right now. His constant belief that I can do this.  That I will be able to beat this obesity in my life. That eventually I won't be writing about losing weight, but instead about MAINTAINING that goal weight.

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0AjQKiv937Wl3dE45RUJmLURfd3JBdDgtaHpudnpoTUE&usp=sharing